Tuesday morning, a child in Woodward fell victim to the inescapable triple dog dare. At the behest of his brother, the kid stuck his tongue to a frozen stop sign pole and basically re-enacted the classic scene from “A Christmas Story.” The kid who suggested it even fled the scene, most likely because the bell rang.
As awesome as this story is, it sucks that a little boy got hurt in the process. So Patrick and I thought of some movie inspired news stories we would like to see Oklahomans recreate.
Randy Terrill scores the winning touchdown against the prison guards
I don’t know if Randy Terrill has any ability as a football player. Actually, I kind of doubt it. But, if he were able to do this, it would mean he was in prison. As far as I’m concerned, at that point he can have his moment.
Kelly Ogle’s “2 Cents”
Tell me you wouldn’t enjoy this speech better than a tirade about America going soft because spectators would rather not drop a couple hundred dollars to sit in the snow.
Run Justin! Run!
OSU fans rejoiced yesterday upon learning that septugenarian quarterback Brandon Weeden and his favorite target, Belitnikoff Award winner Justin Blackmon, were both going to stick around in Stillwater for another year. Of course, the fantastic news led to premature celebration of the 2011 Big 10 12 championship. The optimism is nice, but the real opportunity this provides is for Justin Blackmon to recreate the scene in Forrest Gump where the crowd has to beckon him to stop after scoring a touchdown for fear that he will just keep on running until he grows a massive beard, invented some pop culture icons, and grown a cult of followers.
Of course, if it gets to this point, you can count on Berry Tramel to write another article about Blackmon killing his NFL draft stock by scoring 71 yard touchdowns because if there is anything that signifies the NFL, it is receivers reacting stoically to big plays.
Brittany Novotny throwing water at Sally Kern
In the wake of what happened in Arizona, we probably should not make this joke, but ideally, this is how it would play out:
Cow Chip Day
Rick Mitchell travels to Beaver to produce a live weather report from the World Cow chip Throwing Championship. He then stays at a bed and breakfast hoping he’ll wake up next morning and learn he is living the previous day over again. Maybe after a few decades of reliving the same 24 hour period, he might age a little.
Al Eshbach is “The Elephant Man”
What? You expected a scene from “The Leprecaun?” I just want to hear Eschbach say, “I am not an animal! I am a human be-iiiiiiing.”
Skarky’s Big Adventure
Here, Brent Skarky would put on some fancy high heeled shoes and dance to “Tequila” on the bar at the Blue Note. Of course, afterwards he would refuse to take a picture with Cardboard Jim.
The Hotel scene from Wild Things
“Wild Things” came out when I was in college and I remember being told by one of my fraternity brothers that it was the best movie he had ever seen in his life. That was entirely predicated on the strength of one scene that Patrick wants to do an homage (yes, that’s what the kids are calling it these days) to with Liz Duweke and Joleen Chaney in place of Neve Campbell and Denise Richards.
The Curious Case of Dave Morris
The Revenge Scene from Pretty Woman
Instead of Julia Roberts, it would involve the Doritos hooker. And in place of a high end jewlery store, it would be a 7-11. So, nevermind.
What is scarier? A cartoony japanese monster crushing fake cities, or a cartoony baseball player with a mullet chasing after a japanese pitchers, most likely, to eat them.