The five most “controversial” works of art in Oklahoma.

Wayne Coyne’s art gallery, The Womb, is the center of some controversy. Some citizens (a.k.a. News 9 commenters) are upset about the proposed sign above, which depicts a robot riding a Pegasus. Personally, I don’t understand what is so offensive about it. Perhaps they are upset because the robot is about to get wet from whatever that thing is above it… I dunno.

This sign is on 9th street in Automobile Alley, you know, across the street from that burger “joint.” Sure, a business owner can make reference to an illegal drug, but God forbid an artist paint a picture of robots on their sign. By the way, the burgers there are good whether you’re stoned or sober.

Anywho, this proposed sign isn’t offensive at all. It has nothing on the five most controversial art pieces in the state. Here they are:

5. Cow Patties

Outside the Office of State Finance on Lincoln, you’ll find three giant sculptures of cow patties. In my humble opinion, I don’t think sculpting animal feces is art. It’s a sport. Just ask anyone from Beaver, Oklahoma, the cow chip throwing capital of the world! But seriously, don’t play with poop, it will make you sick.

4. Light ejaculating phallic statue

This piece is titled, “Beacon of Hope.” The artist tried to trick us with a fancy name, but I can see right through his little trick, he wanted our innocent citizens to stare at a giant dong every time we drive down the Broadway Extension. What a pervert. I guess it could be a “beacon of hope” to a heroin user, since it does look kinda like the end of a hypodermic needle.

3. The “Golden Driller”

A giant jaundice-stricken man stands watch in Tulsa, just waiting for something to “drill.” Perhaps the reason there was an Attack of the 50 Foot Woman was because this guy isn’t packing any heat. Regardless, it’s offensive because if you visit this piece of “art” you are forced to stare directly into his crotch. A big part of art is where the eye is directed, and the artist was apparently a sicko for making us look at this dudes groin. Unforgivable.

2. Lowercase “t”

I’m no art expert, but I don’t understand why someone would spend a lot of money constructing a giant “t” in Edmond. This piece is offensive just because of the cost to make it. No serious art investor would want this in their collection. Wouldn’t that money be better used helping the homeless, or donating to a church?

1. Low-income Single Parent

I’m a conservative guy and think only married women should have babies. Also, abortion is murder, homosexuality is an affront to God and any person who curseth his mother or father, must be killed (Leviticus 20:9). This will be my platform when I run as a Republican for President of Oklahoma.

Actually, this statue isn’t that offensive if you’re just driving by it, but if you stop and look under the pioneer woman’s dress, she is actually peeing. Disgusting, I know. What kind of sick person would depict a woman peeing? Aside from being gross, it’s also false. We all know women don’t pee, the front part of a woman’s privates are only used to make babies. Vote @SpencerLenox 2014!

Anyway, those are the five most offensive works of art in our state. I’m sure some smart ass commenter will point out other “offensive” works of art. If you’re that commenter, I look forward to what you have to say.

Also, regarding Wayne’s sign at The Womb…who cares?! If it offends you, don’t drive down 9th street. If your child sees the painting, all you have to say is, “It’s a woman peeing.” Your child will laugh and you can go about your day. I know it sucks having to talk to your kids and explain the world to them, but if you don’t do it, some liberal who enjoys art will do it instead.