(Editor’s Note: This gratuitous, yet charming, post was supposed to be published earlier in the month, but we have a very absent-minded editor here and it got skipped. Many apologies to Dante and Ms. February for the delay – Anonymous)
I started writing this article with perfect grammar for those who clearly don’t understand the sarcastic humor, but then I was like fuck that. I’m just gonna write exactly how I want to cause most of y’all don’t even have a college degree. I know that because in my Methods of Social Research class I learned in that only 20% of adults in Oklahoma have college degrees. So be thankful I’ma dumb this down for you. –
Speaking of college degrees from Oklahoma; my hot chick for the month is the OU twirler, Megan McGeary. Don’t like it? Think she’s already on the site too much? Leave a comment about it.
Here are some gratuitous pics of her:
Why the OU Twirler you say? Umm…Cause she loves attention? Umm…Cause she’s an edible? Umm…Cause she can contort into a human swan while spinning a fiery stick? If that doesn’t impress you, don’t eat at Chick Fil-A.
But honestly, I saw her at one of the three OU basketball games I’ve attended since receiving my studentship and I was like… Who’s the sparkly ballerina? Then she whipped out Excalibur and did the most graceful prance routine I’ve seen since that one time at band camp. That’s when I knew if I ever caught her in normal person form, she was automatically getting the 5-Question-Test. I won’t explain what that is and I used dashes just to annoy you. But the unfortunate thing (for Megan) is that I’ve never seen her outside of a halftime performance so I never got to put that mac daddy pimp sauce on the lil’ chicken nugget.
You know what the makes her? Cinderella. And it’s a shame too, because we’re perfect for each other. I mean, we go together like peanut butter & jelly. Better yet, like chocolate & milkshake. How do I know this? My favorite online dating site; Twitter.
“Explain, Dante” – You
Well I just started following this little hellion about 17 days ago and from her Twitter tweets I can tell that she loves to complain just as much as me. That’s perfect; because a woman who complains a lot is a woman who knows what she wants.
So…I made a list of the 5 things we could complain about on our first date.
I hope the sun never sets again. Daylight Saving Time.
4. Homeless Shelters
If they’re sheltered, they aren’t homeless… They’re unemployed.
If water has no taste, why are there so many brands of it? Is Dasani even water?
2. Gun Control
Why’s everyone so mad? It’s not like people don’t die from other things. Cancer doesn’t kill people, people kill people.
The worst kind of people are the ones that talk to you. It’s like, I’m a super famous comedian and writer now. I’m sure she can relate.