The Oklahoman has published a sex issue…

sex issue

It’s a sex week spectacular at The Oklahoman.

Apparently, the paper’s Baby Boomer/AARP targeted special edition, Vantage, is celebrating July with a special sex edition. It’s a great idea, because let’s be honest, who doesn’t want to get sex tips and advice from a conservative newspaper that prints a prayer on its front page.

NewsOK.com is playing along by posting and heavily promoting the content online. They know sex equals pageviews, and being the pageview whores they are, they turn on the red light and can’t resist. Here are some random articles:

• 8 ways to avoid back pain while having sex
• You won’t believe how Ronnie Kay has kept it going over the years
• Two beds or one? The twin bed dilemma.
• Quiz: Which Golden Girl Love Interest Are You?
• 10 Things Guys Look For When Courting A Cougar by Dave Morris

Okay, I made those up. They’re not in the Vantage sex issue, but they probably should be. Instead, we’re treated to articles like “6 Reasons Why Sex Is Better After 50,” “As God is my witness, I’ll never let anyone see me naked again,” and this gem:

The panel: 6 women discuss sex, hormones and keeping things spicy

Vantage columnist Lesa Crowe sat down recently at Old Germany restaurant in Choctaw, with six women from all walks of life to talk a variety of issues surrounding their sex lives.

Yep, The Oklahoman sent six baby boomers to discuss sex, hormones and keeping things spicy… at a German restaurant in Choctaw. That’s about as sexy as red cabbage. Was Nonna’s not available? I thought that was the de facto hangout for older women to meet and talk about sex, hormones and all the other things no one else wants to hear.

To make matters worse, they actually videoed the conversation and threw it online. Here it is:

I made it about 30 seconds in before frantically hitting mute and minimizing the browser window. What about you?

The entire sex issue wasn’t all that bad. The one saving grace is The Oklahoman sent pervert photographer Chris Landsberger to photograph a model who is young enough to be a Baby Boomer’s granddaughter in some lingerie. It accompanied a quiz to determine, no lie, “What’s your lingerie personality? 

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Can’t this paper do anything fun and interesting? I hope one of the options for the quiz was sad and boring, because that’s may be the most depressing lingerie pictorial I’ve ever seen. Could the model be any more bored? Did Chris Landsberger play Coldplay’s Greatest Hits on the set, or did he force her to listen to six baby boomers discuss sex while drinking beer from a boot. It has to be one of the two.