Back in April, we announced the $200 TLO Weather Dong Contest. It seemed like a pretty good idea at the time – severe weather season was about to start, weather dongs are funny, and most of our readers have the deeply sick, perverted minds of school teachers and bingo players. Hell, we even had Patricia’s on board to sponsor the thing. We’ll just ask readers to send us weather dong pics and hilarity will ensue. We’ll even give a $100 Patricia’s Gift Card to the meteorologist victimized by the dong. What could go wrong???
Well, a couple of things:
1. We had a very mild severe storm season. This is the weather dong equivalent of thinking about football. Of all the times for Gary England to take it easy on us, he chose the one spring that we launch a damn weather dong contest. I don’t blame him. This was his first spring away from the Oklahoma weather scene since he flew around the earth in weather balloon in search of the Weatherford Lightning Monster in 1965. He probably just wanted to enjoy his first spring as a retired weather savior. Then again, the calm weather may have been retribution for us missing the 2013 Gary England Day Pilgrimage, or failing to sacrifice and old gentner at News 9’s Doppler Radar. Who knows.
2. We did a shitty job promoting the contest. I should have known better. I wrote a post about the thing and then kind of forgot about it. I’m bad about that. We should have at least created some house ads for the contest, or set up an alert to go out on Twitter and Facebook whenever there was rain in the forecast.
Because of those two factors, I wasn’t too impressed with the quality or volume of this year’s weather dong entries. It was about as disappointing as a dinner at Vast. I guess that’s okay. The same thing happened the first time we had a State Fair Photo Contest and look what it’s become. In fact, the first year of that thing the winning pic was staged. Now we wish and hope the winning pics are staged, but sadly they’re not.
Anyway, enough with excuses. Here are the finalists for the 2014 TLO Weather Dong Competition. We’ll try to do this again next year and hopefully it will be a whole lot better. Check them out and vote after the jump:
Damon Lane Weather Dong
Once again, we didn’t get a lot of entries, but most of the ones we did get featured Damon Lane. You can tell he really embraced this contest. Out of all the entries, this was probably the best of Damon’s Dongs, which should also be the name of his KOCO fan club. He’s really giving it to the old storm there. Colbalt Junction will never be the same.
Immature Weather Dong
Admit it, if you were a weatherman for a day you’d try to find a way to sneak a phallic symbol on the screen every now and then.
Whiskey Weather Dong
Despite his best efforts, the poor guy just couldn’t get his weather dong going. He can’t figure out why either, because it’s never happened before. It was probably that cold medicine he took.
In the Face Weather Dong
In this pic, the weather dong appears to be hitting Damon Lane in the face. Nothing wrong with that. It happens sometimes.
Massive Testicle Weather Dong
It sure was cold that night in northeastern Oklahoma.
Anyway, that’s it. Underwhelming? Yes. Will it be better next year? Hopefully.
Vote for your favorite after the jump. Typical contest rules apply. Only vote once. Don’t be an asshole. Voting will end at 11:59pm next Wednesday.