State Sen. Bryce Marlatt had what you would call a bourbon and Coke…

Bryce Marlatt mugshot

The defeated crybaby pictured above is Oklahoma State Senator Bryce Marlatt. He’s a big wig in the state senate and a member of several important committees, including “Appropriations,” “Energy” and “People in Desperate Need of Visine.”

The reason Marlatt looks like a teenage girl who just watched The Fault in Our Stars is because a Woodward police officer found him sleeping in his car at an intersection. According to reports, Marlatt may have had what you would call a bourbon and Coke… or two.

Via KOCO.com:

A Republican senator was arrested in the early morning hours Tuesday morning on a DUI-related charge.

Sen. Bryce Marlatt was arrested for actual physical control, commonly known as APC. DUI is different from APC in that it requires that the vehicle is actually moving.

Marlatt was asleep in the vehicle and smelled heavily of alcohol, according to the arrest report. Police say the first comprehensible thing the man said when asked how much he had to drink tonight was, “No more than anybody else.”

When asked how many beers he had, Marlatt said, “None. I had what you would call a bourbon and Coke,” police say.

That line cracks me up. Remember when Bill Cosby had that show “Kids Say the Darndest Things?” Well, he should probably start a new show called “Intoxicated People Say The Darndest Things.” Actually, never mind, that’s probably a bad idea.

Here’s what Marlatt’s attorney had to say about the incident:

“Mr. Marlatt was on his way home from work late Monday night. He had recently suffered from sleeping problems and had taken a prescription sleep aid prior to leaving his office. He had a mixed drink earlier in the evening. While driving home, he became concerned about the effects of the sleep aid and immediately stopped the vehicle on a county road and fell asleep.”

Umm, are you trying to make your client look like a bigger asshole? He had what you would call a bourbon and Coke, which was no more than anyone else, and then as a sober human being thought it would be a good idea to pop a couple of sleeping pills before leaving the office and driving home? Is he a morbid thrill seeker or something? Did he cut his brake lines, disable his airbags and play a game of Russian Roulette while he was at it?

I did some research to see if Marlatt, like most hypocritical Oklahoma legislators, has authored any crazy, overreaching bills regarding drugs or alcohol. Check out this press release Marlatt issued a couple of years ago:

Senate Bill to Subject Elected Officials to Drug Testing Heads to House

The State Senate approved legislation Wednesday which would require state elected officials as well as those in the federally-funded Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) program to undergo random drug testing.

Sen. Bryce Marlatt is co-author of Senate Bill 1392, and successfully amended the measure to ensure state elected officials are not under the influence of drugs or alcohol while on the job.

“In the private sector, drug testing is part of the job description and state employees are also subject to these tests. I don’t believe our state elected officials should be treated any different,” said Marlatt, R-Woodward.

Marlatt’s amendment would require all state elected officials to undergo the same standards as private sector employees and staff.

An Ogle Mole once told me that when you’re a public servant, you’re essentially always working and representing the people who elect you. Since that’s the case, expect Bryce to do the right thing and resign from the Oklahoma Senate. We can’t have elected officials under the influence of what you would call a bourbon and Coke… or sleeping pills.

Hehe, I’m just kidding. I doubt he steps down. He’ll probably just serve on a panel that discusses substance abuse instead. He has experience with that:

A noted Edmond attorney will share a moving message of his family’s personal experiences with drug and alcohol addiction during a presentation at Northwestern Oklahoma State University in Alva on Monday, Oct. 5.

Reggie Whitten, a civil litigation attorney and co-founder of the Whitten-Newman Foundation, will deliver the presentation: Substance Abuse and Addiction: Perception vs. Reality, in Herod Hall Auditorium at 7 p.m. The presentation is open to the general public…

Among the members of the panel will be local legislators, Rep. Jeff Hickman and Sen. Bryce Marlatt; Sen. Harry Coates of Seminole; Jim Riley, former college and professional football star; District Attorney Hollis Thorpe, and local attorney Mike Mitchel. A representative of the Oklahoma Department of Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services also is scheduled to attend.

Anyway, we wish Marlatt the best of luck in getting his what you would call a life back in order.