2015 Year in Review: March

The 2014-15 Oklahoma City Thunder season will be remembered as an awful, injury plagued year. It was shocking when there were moments that all of the normal starters were healthy and active, and those periods did not last long.

March was the month that sealed their fate, when MVP Kevin Durant underwent his second foot surgery of the season and was officially done. The team got damn close to making the play-offs, thanks to the memorable heroics of athletic-freak/Berry Trammel-hater Russell Westbrook, but even the most die-hard fans knew in their hearts that they wouldn’t be able to make it past the first round, let alone win a title, without the help of the Reaper himself.

As one of those die-hard fans, this was a very dark time in my life, so let’s move on and remember the good times:

aaron tuttle

5. Aaron Tuttle is looking for a copyright attorney

Published: Mar 16 2015

What We Said: “In addition to the endearing traits we listed above, Aaron – or as he calls himself when masturbating in front of a mirror, “AT” – lacks a sense of humor and basic knowledge of copyright laws. We know this because last week he filed a DMCA takedown request to our hosting provider. He claimed we were infringing on his copyrights by posting photos like the one above. You know, the ones where he dressed up like a spray tan model for Halloween, posted crying selfies, and auditioned to be a short-shorts model.”

What We Learned: He did eventually find some sort of attorney.

Best Comment: “There’s an obvious difference between a weather dong and a weather prick.”

josh cockroft 1

4. State Rep Josh Cockroft begged his constituents for a nice baby shower gift…

Published: Mar 2 2015

What We Said: “If it’s tough for Josh, imagine how difficult it must be for the typical Oklahomans family that earns less than $38,000 per year. How are they able to afford having a baby, especially when I doubt they have 3,164 Facebook friends to shamelessly beg? Where do they turn? What do they do? If you ask Josh, he’d probably mumble something about “personal responsibility” and “lowering taxes” before running off to Google an answer.”

What We Learned: It’s wrong to give hand-outs if you’re talking about the poor, uneducated, unemployed, or minorities. But well-to-do white conservatives can beg all they like for free stuff, and it’s okay. Actually, have you ever been to Wanette? If you like to see horses tied to trees and sunfaded children’s toys littering the front yards of dilapidated housing structures, it’s the place for you. Maybe the Cock’ could use some hand-me-downs after all.

Best Comment: “If that building in the background of the Cockroft photo is his house mayhaps we should help? Looks like he is destitute.”

Icemaker-Hail-jpg

3. Hail, Rainbows and Weather Dongs: Breaking down yesterday’s severe weather coverage

Published: Mar 6 2015

What We Said: “It’s not really fair to compare Channel 25 to the other three stations when it comes to the weather, so they get a “Satisfactory” for trying. My favorite part of their coverage – Yes, I watched it for about four minutes – was that they sent their investigative reporter Phil Cross out as a stormchaser. I think they tricked him into thinking the storm was a corrupt politician or contractor who ripped off an elderly couple. He probably wanted to surprise it with an open records request.”

What We Learned: Oklahoma weather is so goddamned unpredictable that it’s not really worth trying to trust any of our local weatherman, try as hard as they may. Also, the Derps will confuse broken telephone polls for symbols of crucifixion.

Best Comment: “Ok, then how do you explain that when I was googling teen rappers from the 90s in Google Images, I found a picture of Kris KROSS. KROSS… Cross.

Jesus will make you jump jump!
Ersaiah 9:45 “‘Cause I’m the miggida miggida miggida Mac”
God has declared it! Whoomp, there it is.”

edmond high end brothel

2. Edmond has a high-end brothel…

Published: Mar 21 2015

What We Said: “This place had Hump Day specials?! That’s just awesome. Get this lady a job at Ackerman-McQueen because she’s a marketing genius! I wonder if they also had a discount card where on your fifth massage appointment you received an Oklahoma-shaped cutting board or something. They really do make great gifts.”

What We Learned: Maybe Edmond’s not so bad after all. You can loosen up with a plate of Southwest Eggroll’s and a few El Presidente’s at your friendly neighborhood Chili’s, then head on down to Claire’s Red Door for a hot oil rub-off. Maybe it really IS a better college town than Shawnee!

Best Comment: “Most boring prostitution discussion ever.”

sae

1. The SAE Racism Stuff

 

10 Questions About The Racist SAE Video That Need Answers

OU Greek has a culture problem. Care enough to fix it.

Published:
Mar 8-10 2015

What We Said: “I could be wrong, but I thought the goal of a date party was to sleep with your date at the end of the night. Again, I could be wrong, but I just thought that was the basic fundamental principle of being a frat guy. Clearly SAE plays by different rules. I’m no expert on seducing women, but I 100% know for a fact that chanting racial slurs in the form of a nursery rhyme does NOT get a girl to like you… unless she chews tobacco. I bet some of the girls on that bus chew tobacco.”

What We Learned: There are still cultural institutions in Oklahoma that persist to push ugly ideology onto youth during formative periods of their lives. Racism, sexism, classism, homophobia, and all the other ways we color our perceptions to view people different from ourselves as inferior are taught to us by older generations, and will continue to get passed down if we don’t stop and think carefully about what we’re saying, what we mean, and how it affects our neighbors and the greater society.

Best Comment: “It’s kind of fun watching something implode.”