2016 Year in Review: January

The moment you’ve been waiting for has finally arrived: it is time to put 2016 to rest with our annual review of all the funny, awful, and weird things that have happened in Oklahoma and beyond.

2016 began with the death of David Bowie. Maybe he knew something that we didn’t, but we should have all sensed at that moment that the rest of the year was going to swirl down the terlet. At least there was those few weeks when you couldn’t go anywhere without hearing the Thin White Duke’s greatest hits on repeat. It was like when Michael Jackson died but for aging rockers and hipsters.

Now, let’s dig in and check out the top TLO posts from January:

5- Oklahoma lawmakers still have it out for science…

Published: January 26, 2016

What We Said: “Hey, I got a better idea. How about we introduce a law that prevents unqualified asshats from teaching science in Oklahoma classrooms? Then we wouldn’t have to worry about science teachers being “unsure” about how to teach standard topics like biological evolution, the chemical origins of life, global warming, and all the other scientific things that are real.”

What We Learned: “Science” is just subjective, and teachers should be allowed to make up whatever they want.

Best Comment: “Where can I find this fine jewelry store that outfits our legislatures with these awesome former communist country flag lapel pins/broaches and hoop-from-hell earrings?”

4- This happened in Tulsa yesterday…

Published: January 21, 2016

What We Said: “I do have a few questions about the photo, though. First of all, is it real? The second is how many Xanax did Mary Fallin take and why is she dressed for St. Patrick’s Day? Also, do you think Hipster Boo Boo brought the trailer for Palin to see? I heard the Hockey Mom wants to buy it.”

What We Learned: This was just the beginning of a long friendship between a bunch of creeps.

Best Comment: “Five people. 30 spouses. Conservative values.”

3- This chart shows why Oklahoma schools are broke…

Published: January 26, 2016

What We Said: “Imagine that you are a bartender on campus corner in Norman. When it’s football season, you are making mad bank every weekend, but the summer months get lean. If you’re wise with your money, you save all the extra cash you’re making in the fall so you can pay the bills later on when you’re not bringing in as much.

Oklahoma is like the bartender who takes their vacation to Europe during bowl season, then works lunch shifts all summer and wonders why they can’t afford to keep the lights on at home.”

What We Learned: Boy, Oklahoma sure shot ourselves in the foot (again)!

Best Comment: “It’s “you’re” not “your.” Creative writing has nothing to do with proper use of grammar. Please tell me you went to school in Arkansas.”

2- Mary Fallin penned an editorial about the earthquake crisis…

Published: January 29, 2016

What We Said: “With her approval ratings dropping and her political legacy nose diving into Bush brother territory, Mary Fallin now seems to suddenly care about Oklahoma’s earthquake crisis. Just a few days after 60 Minutes was at the Oklahoma Capitol interviewing people for what I’ve been told is a story about earthquake-related class action lawsuits, Devon Energy… errr…. Mary Fallin wrote an editorial for today’s Tulsa World that brags about what a great job she’s doing to address Oklahoma’s earthquake crisis.” 

What We Learned: It may have taken approximately 80,000 earthquakes, but Mary Fallin finally pretended like she cared about them.

Best Comment: “Mary flip-flopped of earthquakes.”

1- Oklahoma lawmaker introduces bill requiring all adults to subscribe to a newspaper…

Published: January 21, 2016

What We Said:  “On Tuesday, State Rep. Ben Sherrer, a Democrat from Chouteau and the Minority FLOOR Leader in the Oklahoma House, introduced “The Paper-Informed Public Act.” If passed and signed into law, it will require Oklahoma citizens of voting age to subscribe to a newspaper. Yeah, a newspaper – those folded-up piles of paper your grandparents still have delivered to their home so they can see which of their friends died each morning.”

What We Learned: Occasionally,  state lawmakers are capable of making humor jokes.

Best Comment: I subscribe to a virtual newspaper: TLO.