The 2018 Gubernatorial race is starting to pick up steam.
Earlier this month, Lt. Governor Todd Lamb – the white, boring, well-funded choice of the local GOP establishment – filed paperwork indicating he would likely run for Governor. Since then, he’s been barnstorming across the state reminding people he’s not Mary Fallin.
On Thursday, Lamb was joined by State House Minority-leader Scott Inman. He announced he was running for Governor in this 90-second video that goes hard after the cool liberal church demographic:
Wow. Inman’s following the Brad Henry playbook to a T! Nerd glasses? Check. Not mentioning you’re a Democrat in Oklahoma? Check. Wife who comes across as a better candidate than you? Ring Ding Ding! We have a winner!
Others who have announced their candidacy are Gary Richardson and Connie Johnson. Richardson is a goofball attorney who ran for Governor in 2002 as an independent on a free turnpike platform. Johnson is a long-time politician who runs for every office, wants to legalize marijuana and once introduced legislation that would make it a crime for a man to ejacualte in or on anything that’s not a woman’s vagina. I’m not sure we can take either candidate too seriously.
Right now, those are the only mainstream candidates, but I’m sure we’ll get some more names soon (like Drew Edmondson). Some of them may even be a surprise. I’ve talked to some Moles, and here are 10 dark horse candidates for the 2018 Oklahoma gubernatorial race.
1. Bob Mills
Friendly reminder, Bob Mills was one of the first big backers of Donald Trump’s presidential campaign, and from what I’ve heard, is developing a strong interest in local politics. In some ways, Mills is very similar to our President. They’ve both built successful business, they both pander to the “Working Man,” and they’ve both probably said colorful things about women on hot mics. If he announces a run for Governor, expect it to take place in a hot air balloon somewhere along Reno.
2. Pam Pollard
Pam Pollard is the current chair of the Oklahoma GOP and BFFs with Mary Fallin. As Governor, she’d solve our education funding and teacher pay crisis by doing away with public schools, replacing all textbooks with bibles, and declaring all moms as certified teachers.
3. Steve Largent
Thanks to Gary Richardson and a tough question by Andrew Speno, NFL Hall of Famer and former US Congressman Steve Largent lost the 2002 Gubernatorial election to Brad Henry by about 7,000 votes. He has to be ready for a comeback, right? At the very least, maybe he can convince Wes Welker to give it a go.
4. Joe Exotic
Come on, Joe. If you can run for president, you can at least file the paperwork to run for Governor. At the very least, it will give you a good excuse to release more cool videos:
5. Emily Sutton
This would be cool for a couple of reasons. 1. Emily Sutton is adorable and everyone would vote for her. 2. It would force Lacey Swope to run for Governor, too. I call dibs on hosting the first debate.
6. David Green
In all honesty, I’m surprised that David Green – the billionaire founder of Hobby Lobby – hasn’t run for public office. It seems up his alley: he’s rich, religious and a hypocrite. Plus, he’s been fighting against the reproductive rights of women for decades.
7. Melania Trump
This would be a shrewd move for Trump. He could trick Melania into thinking she would be ruling a small kingdom heavily populated by angry, uneducated white people who vote against their own self interests in the name of social wedge issues. With Melania stationed in Oklahoma, it would give Trump the a chance to return to Trump Tower and grab more pu… well… you know.
8. Joe Dorman
Joe has already announced he’s not running for Governor in 2018, but I wouldn’t be shocked if he changed his mind. He ran on a pretty solid “I’m not Mary Fallin” campaign platform in 2014, but was doomed by the lack of name recognition, campaign funding and the fact that he was a single dude in his 40s driving a beat-up Chevy S10 pickup truck. If we can get him a wife and Ford F-350 Super Duty Diesel, he may have what it takes. Watch out for Joe!
9. Mick Cornett
Okay, I know this isn’t really a “dark horse” pick. Ever since Mayor Cornett announced he’s wasn’t seeking re-election as Mayor of OKC, people have speculated whether or not he’s going to run for Governor. Right now, I’d say he’s going to run. I hope he does. I’ve always wanted to play a game of poker at the Governor’s Mansion. At the moment, he and Joe are my only hopes for an invite!
10. Patrick Riley
Well, I guess if I was elected Governor I could play poker at the mansion every night. Seriously, I’d be a great governor! I’m for freedom, education, guns, and whatever you feel about abortion. That makes me a shoo-in. Let’s “Make Oklahoma OK Again!” Donate to my campaign today!