Where in Oklahoma is EPA Chief Scott Pruitt?

Doo-wop, dooba-dooba doo-wop!
Well, he zooms around the State on a private jet in style,
He’s the EPA head who’s fracking motto is “Let’s do it!”
He’ll take us on a government plane ride with no frequent flyer miles,
Tell us where in Oklahoma is…EPA Chief Scott Pruitt?

Greetings, gumshoes!

The word on the grapevine is that the dastardly EPA Chief Scott Pruitt is hiding in his home state of Oklahoma!

It shouldn’t be a surprise. According to a July report in the New York Times, the vagabond spent more than half of his work days exploring his home state, and recently, the Washington Post reported he used “at least four noncommercial and military flights since mid-February, costing taxpayers more than $58,000.” Even though we’ve got some of our biggest and best dicks on the case, we can always use the extra help junior TLO detectives to locate this man! So maybe you can help us solve the mystery of “Where in Oklahoma is EPA Chief Scott Pruitt?”

We’ve included five different cases with clues after the jump. If you get all five correct, you win a free government-funded flight for your family to anywhere in the United States!

Case #1: The Panhandler Peddler

On July 27, records show, Pruitt and six staff members arranged a flight on a Department of Interior plane from Tulsa to this tiny Oklahoma panhandle county seat at a cost of $14,434.50. According to the Washington Post, “the purpose of the trip was to meet with landowners whose farms have been affected by a controversial rule regulating water bodies in the United States,” but he also may have been spotted at a Pioneer Day Rodeo. Either way, Pruitt has since initiated a process to withdraw the regulation, also known as the Waters of the United States rule.

Where in Oklahoma is Scott Pruitt?!

Case #2: What Do You Zinc?

Home of the “biggest environmental disaster you’ve never heard of,” this ghost town was once a thriving national center of lead and zinc mining. However, more than a century of unrestricted subsurface excavation dangerously undermined most of the town buildings and left giant piles of toxic metal-contaminated mine tailings heaped throughout the area. This lead to groundwater contamination that left 34% of the children suffering from lead poisoning and leading to a mass evacuation.

Where in Oklahoma is Scott Pruitt?!

Case #3: Almost Tulsa Time

Even though Pruitt has spent most of his life fighting regulations that help protect the very Earth that God spent so much time lovingly creating, he always manages to take time out of his busy schedule to serve as a deacon at the First Baptist Church in this large Tulsa suburb, a real crooked shot of a town that is also the birthplace of beloved musical imp Kristin Chenoweth.

Where in Oklahoma is Scott Pruitt?!

Case #4: Float On

Ooh, that smell…can’t you smell that smell? This is a mighty river that flows west into northeast Oklahoma, then southwest and south through the mountains of eastern Oklahoma, past Scraper and Tahlequah. Over the past few decades, it has become contaminated with phosphorus due to sewage and poultry farm runoff. In 2011, Pruitt dropped that case, ending the legal fight to clean up the river after reportedly accepting tens of thousands of dollars in campaign contributions linked to the poultry industry.

Where in Oklahoma is Scott Pruitt?!

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Case#5: Pass the Pipeline

Within a Baker Mayfield heave of the mother road, this “Pipeline Crossroads of the World” was hit with an Energy-industry sponsored 5.0 earthquake in November of last year, destroying numerous buildings and homes, making the federal government wonder if it’s the safest place to hold such a large chunk of our nation’s crude oil supply. Well, that is until Pruitt was put in charge of the EPA.

Where in Oklahoma is Scott Pruitt?!

Do it, Rockapella!

Here are the answers to each case, gumshoes. How did you fare?

1. The Panhandler Peddler: Guymon

2. What Do You Zinc? Picher

3. Almost Tulsa Time: Broken Arrow

4. Float On: Illinois River

5. Pass the Pipeline: Cushing

How’s you do, gumshoes? If you got 5/5, contact Scott Pruitt to claim your prize.

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@LouisFowler contributed to this report