Sure, I have given that dimpled debutante of the dinner table Ree Drummond, better also known as the Pioneer Woman, her fair share of satirical grief here in the past. And, really, it’s only because, as so many #blessed stay-at-home moms in ill-fitting stirrup pants and sexless sweatshirts featuring a basket of puppies outlined in puff-paint have so dutifully informed me, I am “manically jealous” of all her empirical successes, from books and TV and everything in-between while I have nothing.
Which is all very true. Hers is an echelon of achievement that I shall never even come close to attaining in this flicked Marlboro butt of a life I’ve made for myself as a “yellow journalist,” barely scraping by in life financially, let alone emotionally and nutritionally, hanging out in mall food courts and eating the cold orange chicken and soggy pizza crusts leave behind on abandoned tables, hopefully, while she and her sexy hubby live it up on the high horse at a multi-million dollar Pawhuska ranch.
That being said, I am not without the ability to issue the occasional edible mea culpa, albeit in click-baiting listicle form, as there are a number—five, exactly—of Bartlesville Country Club Drummond’s recipes that sound absolutely scrumptious and I would someday love to try if they can ever be paired down to a toaster oven and a hot plate. ¡Cómpralo ya!
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Aye Dios mio, does this Chicano love a good refried bean! But, instead of just eating them straight out of the can like one usually does, Ree’s recipe actually enhances the creamy frijole goodness by layering them with various spices and cheeses in a heavily buttered skillet on high heat, eventually adding a full cup (or two, burp) of tequila to the proceedings and then baking. Bonus points if you get the worm, ese!
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If there’s a meat I particularly love because it always seems to be on a Manager’s Special no matter where I shop, it’s a big ol’ juicy pork butt, clearance priced and ready for the crock-pot. Sensually rub on (and in) a few spices along with a healthy serving of your favorite barbeque sauce and in a few hours, you’ve got some tender and tasty D-grade pulled pork. The Pioneer Woman’s recipe, however, ingeniously calls for the addition of two cans of your favorite soda! Any soda! Hmmm…do you think Aldi’s Red Bull knock-off counts as soda?
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Ree says this recipe was inspired by a similar entrée she had while dining at the long-defunct Planet Hollywood, so if it was good enough for the vanity menu of a bankrupt business venture between Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger, then I’ll be back…for seconds! After fluffing in flour and dipping in egg, said chicken strip is then generously rolled and coated in pulverized Cap’n Crunch—or the Great Value equivalent, if you’re nasty—and fry-daddied beyond recognition. Add your own Crunch Berry dipping sauce and, ahoy matey, they’re tragically delicious!
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Growing up, when my mom made us “white chili,” it was basically a pot of pork and beans with half a jar of mayo and a copy of the Dave Matthews Band’s Under the Table and Dreaming swirled around and simmering for a few hours. Color me surprised—or better yet, don’t—as I’ve learned, thanks to the Pioneer Woman, that this pigmentless pot of butter, onions, boneless chicken and Great Northern Beans is so much more than I ever thought it could be.
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Remember the good ol’ days when a milkshake was just come ice cream and milk? Well, get over yourself, you sloppy bitch, because we’re gonna serve these patriotic bad boys up, Pioneer-style! Add two scoops of vanilla ice cream to a glass of milk, pour in some chocolate syrup, shake ‘em up nice and thick and then, for funsies, top with whipped cream. And then top that with about four bags of your favorite “fun size” candy bars and, if you’re extra decadent, a box of your favorite Little Debbie treats. I prefer them Zebra Cakes, mama!
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I also enjoy the occasional Swiss Cake Roll. Follow Louis on Twitter at @LouisFowler.
Oh my gosh TLO, I love you!! You summed up exactly what I am saying in my head while watching her show. We made her Pasta Primavera last night and it was delicious. BTW, she and her daughter were on the Norman Campus yesterday so maybe there is a Mercantile heading our direction.
Her chicken enchilada recipe is fab too.
And by “her” you mean the recipe she delivers via her cookbook/website/etc?
Kinda like the check I get in the mailbox is still “mine” even the postman delivered it and/or it would not be someone else’s if they “found” it and then made a copy. I think she posted a recipe for:
Pioneer Woman Water
1 part Hydrogen 2 parts Oxygen=sometimes served chilled or used to make other beverages!
LOL
It’s always hard to tell tone in a post, so VeraLynn please know I’m just jabbing the Pioneer Woman and really don’t have an issue and not trying to take a shot at you.
I love her show on foodnetwork channel and and i got 4 ih;;of her cookbooks. She is. So. Down to. Earth
Oh, I’ve had my eye on you Cap! Your comments are hilarious! And reason enough for Patrick to add a “like” button, or sign you up as a contributor.
I remember your recipe for water hose water too. lol
I saw a side-by-side comparison of her recipes vs a Pawhuska church cookbook recipes…identical.
Link?
If you go to”The Marlboro Woman” on Twitter, and click on “media” you can see some pictures of the allegedly copied recipes. @_marlborowoman
The marlborowoman.com website has put up a paywall now.
Can you send us the media? Marlboro Woman is a private twitter account.
You can view the pictures if you scroll over to “media” on her Twitter account and then scroll down to the cookbooks. No side-by-side comparisons are visible, but you can see the cookbooks and recipes. Believe Marlboro Woman had to go private due to legal issues from the Drummonds.
But you can tap on the cookbook pictures for comments.
The planet Hollywood bit had me rolling
I have all of her cookbooks. They are interesting reads and have some great recipes…along with photos that would benefit new cooks. I have made some of her recipes…the chicken fried steak fingers were a hit with my boys. The siracha cauliflower was delicious..and my husband actually went back for seconds..by the way he doesn’t eat veggies. I have tried her guacamole and chili and tacos…all of her western recipes are typical of the west, but good eating…snd my kids like it.
Why buy her cookbooks when the recipes are on her website?
I wouldn’t. I received one of her cookbooks as a gift.
Two questions:
Are these typical recipes on her blog show whatever?
Why is this woman rich and famous?
Nevermind, I know the answers…. (sigh)
My theory on why she is rich and famous is she is an expert at engaging “regular” people who have a meth addicts level of desire to be near or associate with a “celebrity”. Due to her having the first level of celebrity, she is on TV!, and she has a restaurant! and a cookbook and ………………
Once the “celebrity” is established, she begins interacting with the masses and they begin to do moronic things to be “involved” with her. Involved being buying her goods/food/books and watching her shows. Every time they buy something or go to her store, in their minds they are part of the show and she is their friend.
It’s the same reason people were driving 4-6 hours to eat at Ol Red’s, hoping and praying the Blake would be there, but if not, they could take a selfie and show their friends “hey I ate at Blake’s restaurant, ya know Blake Shelton”
This mentality is what sparks the viscous defense of her, just like those who did and continue to defend Kate +8 Gosselin-a sociopath narcissist of limitless bounds.
In sports they’re called Jock sniffers. And as said above why would anyone buy a fooking cookbook? That’s worse than paying for porn……unless of course it’s for a campaign purchase! LOL
All totally fair points.
Her “New Queso” is to die for as well, I picked up some at the Merc for our Super Bowl party this year and it was gone in a flash.
I actually like the food to look like the name (hence: Milk Shake) If you need to cover it up, then there is something seriously wrong with it.
The greatest SEO trick Patrick ever pulled was signaling that TLO is a Pioneer Woman fansite.
Personally I thought this was a hilarious laugh out loud read! Because I did laugh out loud and I sometimes say some of the exact things you’ve said as I watch her show. Which I do religiously on Sundays or whatever days it plays back to back. I’m a foodie and I love a good down home recipe. I do own a ton of her products! Hey I’m not ashamed it’s quality stuff! Oh btw anyone who claims her stuff is copied get over yourself. Making a plain old recipe better with the Pioneer spin is better then what I can come up with. Cook On Drummy! I’ll always have a place at my broke ass table for your overkill recipes.
DeathByLard….I think you pretty well summarized the situation. And as my British friend tells me if others don’t like what you have to say, they can F*&K OFF!
shows what you can do when you’re among the richest of oklahomans…… her recipes are stale (hence the mention of the church cookbook). her skills quaint and amateurish….. but, she gets props for finding a hook that works.