After closing rather abruptly amidst numerous non-food-related controversies, the former “Vegas-style” buffet Fuze has reopened under the more apropos moniker of Feast to an apparently starving public. While I never personally got the chance to sample the former’s culinary wares, it was a name that was brought up on more than one occasion in the comments, repeatedly suggesting that I give the place the ol’ Fowler try or die.
With already plenty of hullabaloo surrounding the opening of Feast by an oddly excited local media, it was no surprise that when I went there for a late lunch on Sunday the joint was practically overflowing with complacent humanity, welcomed with a line that was almost out the door. If I didn’t know any better—and I do—I’d say this was probably the most popular dining-out option in the Big Town this past weekend.
Located at 6513 Northwest Expressway, the inside of Feast is a darkened smorgasbord of overabundant melancholy; when you do catch shadowed glimpses of the seated patron’s faces, no one seemed really happy to be there as they dutifully placed grey clumps of food in their lipless mouths with blank 1000-yard stares, the forced specter of a seconds and thirds and possibly even fourths looming in the darkness of the badly-lit dining room.
The barely legal foodstuffs at Feast aren’t much better and seem to inspire a special kind of blasé “eating just for eating’s sake” atmosphere that is barely sentient even for Warr Acres’ famed Buffet Row; featuring entrées and dishes from across a flattened globe, to pile up an adult’s plate ($12.99) is like an around the world celebration in absolute mediocrity; a passionless, flavorless global tour where quantity is king and the slightest hint of quality doesn’t come in to play at any time.