We here at The Lost Ogle are all about fairness. And so earlier this week, when I posted about the mediocre men of Oklahoma, some folks were worried that maybe we’d leave out the ladies. But fear not, friends! There’s plenty of mediocre in Oklahoma to go around. Because it would seem wherever there’s an Oklahoma government agency or Oklahoma-owned business, there’s a whole cabal of folks just failing upward.
So, just in case you thought the men of Oklahoma were the only ones afflicted with mediocrity, check out these mediocre women of Oklahoma.
Obviously, Mary Fallin makes this list. But, to be fair, this isn’t wholly accurate. Sure, as a politician, Mary Fallin is mediocre. But as a puppet, she’s great! But to be honest, I don’t know what should be said about Fallin. She would be a great fictional character because her tenure as governor has been so, so weird. Remember when she drove a tank over an old car at the opening of a gun range? Remember how she has very specific hot tub temperature requests that we have to pay for? Remember how she let her daughter live in a trailer outside the governor’s mansion? Remember how Trump wouldn’t even have her? How did she get elected? Why does Oklahoma so easily embrace the mediocrity?
With the state of educational news in Oklahoma being what it is, it’s hard to remember stuff that happened just a few years ago because we’re dealing with so much current garbage. But remember Janet Barresi? I think getting rid of her was the first and only time that Oklahomans banded together. When she wasn’t exploiting special needs children, she was setting up unqualified people with jobs that paid $90k. I have no idea what she’s up to now, but I like to think maybe she’s run out of opportunities. But this is Oklahoma, so that’s probably not the case.
I’ve always thought that if I married into money, I’d just fade into obscurity. I’d stay off social media, and dive into piles of coins in my free time, Scrooge McDuck-style. But I guess Carol Hefner didn’t know this was an option. Carol posted all manner of right wing nonsense on Facebook, and shut it down when she realized we shared some of her crazy posts. And then, when we shared that she pinned copycat Olive Garden dressing, she shut her Pinterest account down. (Let the record show that if I were rich, in addition to swimming in coins, I’d just buy bottles of Olive Garden dressing at Sam’s. Also, I’D EAT AT BETTER RESTAURANTS BECAUSE I COULD AFFORD TO.) And perhaps the most mediocre of Carol’s qualities is her belief in Trump as a president.
Step back, teachers. There’s no need to keep fighting for higher pay. How about a great plan to get kids out of schools and for mothers to homeschool them? That’s a great idea and definitely won’t result in a whole bevy of mediocre unsocialized kids. If you feel like this sort of fringe nonsense doesn’t merit a mention, just know that Pollard is the Chair of the Oklahoma Republican Party. So, I guess the mediocrity trickles down the way money never really does.
I’ve mentioned before that I worked for Tate Publishing. But here’s a fun story that Rita Tate told the ghostwriting department. Rita was the head ghostwriter, which meant that any time Mr. Proud to be an American Lee Greenwood wanted to write a book, Rita was there for him. (Any time some delusional person with half an idea wanted to write a book, then the rest of the ghostwriting team got to work with them.) Anyway, one day Rita headed over to the ghostwriter office to tell us about this fantastic book she was working on about Trayvon Martin. She wanted to make sure we understood that he wasn’t killed because of racism, and that there was no reason to make a big deal out of his death. And she couldn’t wait to finish the book about it.
This is the last post on mediocrity because gender non-conforming people are pretty awesome. Follow Marisa on Twitter.