Happy ice-pocalypse 2019, my fellow Oklahomans! By now you are probably well aware that Oklahoma is in the middle of a winter storm warning and likely subsequent milk and bread shortage. While many of you are still getting your winter weather news through archaic forms of media like “cable TV” or “Emily Sutton’s twitter,” I have stumbled across a new and exciting way to stay weather-aware!
Last month, the Oklahoma Department of Transportation drove their Western Pro Plus professional snow plow attachments right into the 21st century by releasing their very own app. While KFOR reports that the app will be great for keeping metro Oklahomans up-to-speed on traffic conditions, I am reporting that when it comes to responsibly using something, you can’t trust us average Okies as far as you can throw us. So here are 5 ways we are probably going to misuse the new ODOT app.
The KFOR article states that snow plows will be equipped with real time cameras so viewers can see just how bad the roads are without leaving their homes. Come on, do you really want an app that posts the location of big ass snowbanks across the metro? It’s like the Department of Transportation is putting out a homing device for rednecks who want to get some use out of their muddin’ trucks this winter.
Get out of something
FACT. 83% of plans agreed to more than a week in advance are only made because that leaves at least 7 days to come up with an excuse as to why you can’t actually make it. This app is going to give metro-homans a stronger alibi to stay home with by granting them the ability to screen-shot the traffic conditions and send them to their sister as an excuse for not attending their 10-year-old nephew’s laser tag birthday party. Plus even if traffic conditions are actually good, the green traffic routes (seen above) look like they are applied with Microsoft paint. So it wouldn’t be hard to add a bunch of red lines (indicating accidents and stopped traffic) strategically placed outside of your neighborhood on the screen shot map.
Look for typos
The app also shows the live feed of the metro’s DMS signs. I’ve already skimmed all of them for clever jokes and possible typos to tweet about because that’s what millennials do. I didn’t find any. Yet.
Watch accidents in real time
The traffic cameras are strategically placed across the metro at the busiest of intersections and roads so commuters can see in real time if their normal route to the work day hell is open. Or like we love to do during tornado season or when there is a high-speed chase on the TV, Oklahomans can also just stream the video live during the snowpocalypse rush hour traffic and gawk at accidents.
Have another app to waste time on
I downloaded the app to write this article, but soon found myself going through each of the cameras positioned in Western Oklahoma to see if I could spot my sister’s truck in any of the pictures. There was absolutely no purpose to it and I wasted a solid 13 minutes before I came back to writing.
I won’t give up looking. I have too much stuff to do today to not waste any time. Follow Hayley on twitter @squirrellygeek