Oklahoma Lawmakers want to modernize sex education…

In an unprecedented move, Oklahoma lawmakers are talking about sex. And not in the context of trying to hide their latest morally bankrupt sexual endeavor. The Oklahoma Legislature is entertaining three separate bills aimed at modernizing sexual education in Oklahoma public schools.

Via News 9:

Oklahoma does not have required sex education in schools, and across the state what is offered in most schools is far from expert considered comprehensive. But a trio of bills making their way through the state legislature may help bring Oklahoma’s sex ed in some cases into the 21st century.

The first bill is SB 926, authored by Sen. Kay Floyd (D-OKC),. It would require students to learn about consent and sexual assault in health classes. That bill made it out of committee and is heading to the Senate floor…

Sen. George Young’s bill, SB50, entails schools to require parents and students grades six through 12 to have an annual conversation about things like sex, health and positive body images, which the bill calls “communication training”…

Finally, House Bill 1018 is aimed at updating Oklahoma’s HIV and AIDS curriculum. Much of what’s being taught in schools surrounding HIV or AIDS hasn’t changed since the late 1980s. HB1018 has been tried and failed several times at the Capitol. It quickly passed the House and is on its way to the Senate, where advocates are cautiously optimistic about its prospects of passing.

Now, when they say modernize, what they really mean is provide any sex ed at all, or at the very least, admit sex exists. But we are not going to get caught up in semantics. These three bills wandering through the Oklahoma State House & Senate are baby steps in the right direction. However, given that these three bills still lack the basics we have a few things we feel strongly should be added to the sex ed curriculum posthaste.

Below we present our five quick and easy ways to improve sex ed in Oklahoma….

Mandatory rounds of the PENIS game, but include all the important words about human sex organs.

Students will be encouraged to yell names of the reproductive bits at increasing volumes. The students who can yell vulva, uterus or scrotum the loudest without giggling win. At the very least, students will be given a basic exposure to the correct terminology. It’s at least more than they get now.

 

Instead of random animated films, substitutes will turn on episodes of the mediocre Showtime original, Masters of Sex.

Naturally, a local youth pastor will be brought in on these days to keep his or her hand poised over the screen to cover any explicit nudity. They will also be given the option to shout Hallelujah and/or Praise Yeezus over curse words.  Can’t be too racy with the sex ed. This is Oklahoma after all.

Institute a policy of graffiti correction instead of a cover-up.

Any time weirdly drawn sex organs are discovered doodled in permanent marker on locker room walls and bathroom stalls, the art should be corrected and labeled to anatomical correctness. This may need to involve offering art classes to the janitorial staff so that our children are exposed to well-drawn and thoroughly-annotated works.

Incorporate a study of the wide-ranging series of Nantucket limericks in English Literature classes.

There was once was a man from Nantucket, whose c … you know the one. It is a version of poetry and it really opens up space to talk about realistic expectations and communication skills. It is also the gateway to discussing the various methods of sexual contact as well as important lessons in – ahem – order of operations.

Replace Petro Pet coloring books with The Kuma Sutra Coloring Book.

No other explanation should be offered. The attentive students will gain invaluable knowledge on the mechanics and the importance of finding the right positions during intercourse. Of course, some may walk away from the classrooms with a horribly damaged expectation of how spines, hips and knees bend. But – eh, we can’t fix it all.

Of course, this is just a slow start. Thus far Oklahoma public schools have been leaving kids to discover sex and sexuality with little to no guidance if not offered by their parents. Might as well capitalize on what they’ve already been doing. What else should we be adding to enrich the sex ed curriculum? Comment your best suggestion.