Hundreds of students from across the nation are converging in Miami, OK this week for Spring Break, mistaking the Ottawa County seat for the tourist haven of Miami Beach, Florida.
“Woo! We’re here!” said University of Wisconsin Sophomore Ashley McInnes as she and three classmates spilled out of a mint-colored VW Beetle and entered the iconic Waylan’s Ku-Ku Burger on North Main Sunday evening. “Let’s get wasted!”
Locals have steadfastly refused to redirect the lost students, as area businesses have come to rely on the economic boost in the decades since the departure of the BF Goodrich plant in the 1980’s. The new spring breakers have sunbathed on the banks of the Neosho River and gathered at Taylor Park for MTV-produced live events.
“I’m gonna hit this awesome dive on Steve Owens Boulevard with my brochachos and probably hook up with some chick at the LFMAO show at the Coleman Theater! Miami rules!” said Creighton University senior Doug Andersen, before correcting himself by pronouncing the city “My-am-UH.”
This is obviously satire. In fact, it’s 2016 satire.