I hope you saved your limited-edition Jim Gallogly buttons! They’re now valuable souvenirs for collectors of irony.
As I’m sure you heard by now, University of Oklahoma president and Mike Pence cosplayer Jim Gallogly announced on Sunday night that he will be retiring from OU, once plans for his successor are in place. I guess destroying David Boren and being almost universally loathed around campus has taken its toll on the ole’ overlord.
There’s already a bunch of speculation and guesswork going through the rumor mill about who OU will select as Gallogly’s replacement. As a result, Brandon and I thought it would be fun to give our best guesses…
1. Mary Fallin
If the Oklahoma ruling class is as hellbent on destroying public education as they seem to be, there would be no better choice for OU president than former Gov. Fallin. Her first cost-cutting measure would be to replace the dorms with more affordable trailer park student housing. And with all of her political experience, she could teach remedial civics courses to students who still need to qualify. – Patrick
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2. James Hale
Although U.S. News & World Report has him ranked as only a one-star candidate, local sports radio host James Hale would be a good fit as OU president. I don’t think anyone loves the University of Oklahoma more than he does. He’s positive, optimistic, and — under his watch — every incoming student will be a hyper athletic 5-star nationally recruited merit scholar with pro potential. – Patrick
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3. Carrie Underwood
You might be thinking, “Hey, she doesn’t even have qualifications to run a school.” I would reply, “Did the last one have any? I didn’t think so.” This Oklahoma megastar could, at the very least, put a beautiful face on the otherwise decaying look of the campus as of late. Also, just think of the performers she can book for the next OU football spring game. – Brandon
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4. Harold Hamm
Since OU is losing a rich, powerful and ruthless oil overlord in Jim Gallogly, they should probably consider replacing him with an even more rich, powerful and ruthless oil overlord. Harold would be the perfect fit. He’s a dick, has experience running large organizations and probably enjoys firing people. Instead of cutting gardening and landscaping expenses, he’d just get rid of the gardens altogether and replace them wastewater injection wells. – Patrick
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5. Frontier City Cowboy Cop
He stands for truth, justice and the right for cowboys to carry guns in a theme park. While this off duty deputy looks like the bad prospector from every western movie, he could right the wrongs of OU. Perhaps racist assholes will think twice before coming onto campus. – Brandon
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6. Sarah Stitt
If Kevin Stitt really wants to run Oklahoma like a business, he should start by putting friends and family members in positions of power. Naming his wife OU’s president would be a good place to start. – Patrick
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7. Tim Heskett
If Renzi Stone can make the OU Board of Regents, then we can throw his sharp-shooting wingman a bone and name Timmy Heskett president. The president’s office could use a little heart, hustle and hardwood. – Patrick
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8. Woody Guthrie’s Ghost
There is nothing more unifying to Oklahomans than Woody Guthrie with his Fascist killing guitar. Does he know how to run the university or deal with budget issues? No; however, he could sure write songs about the issues, and I think we could all get behind that. – Brandon
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9. Anita Hill
This one makes sense. She’s smart, was born and raised in Oklahoma, and would break the school’s 127-year streak of only naming rich old white men as president. Plus, if you thought Jim Gallogly seemed pretty focused and motivated on ruining David Boren’s legacy, imagine what Anita Hill would do? – Patrick
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10. Nobody
It seemed to work out for the Oscars this year; why not a university? This is the same sort of advice you’d give a friend who needs some time for themselves. Find yourself, girl. Live your truth, and quit getting into bed with grabby or money-hungry hoes. – Brandon
I would like to write in Irwin Box…He will probably be spending a great deal of time around OU anyway…
You left out Toby Keith. He’s there all the time anyway.
If Mary Fallin becomes the president of any Higher Ed. organization in this state, I’m leaving the fucking state. That will be the last straw for me.
might want to start packing-in the near future look for her to be named CEO/President of some small either metro college (OCCC-Rose State-etc.,) or some near the city rural school (Redlands-USAO-etc.,), and I pray to God I’m wrong, but she’s too dumb and no longer has influence to be a successful lobbyist, most likely can’t run for anything high enough up the political chain for her, no skills to be a political commentator———so her only hope is to be appointed somewhere she can have others do the work and she get paid.
Can you give me a ride when you go?
Could see this coming a mile away. something is rotten at OU an they are running like rats deserting the ship.
Shit, I’ll take the job.
OU’s new motto under my leadership: “We don’t reckon we NEED no fancy book-learnin’!”
James Hale would be excellent except he might put his wife (or maybe now ex-wife) in charge of the finances
When did he got out of prison?
In the category of sports radio personalities Toby Roland would actually be great. He could always find and report on the bright side of underperforming units within the campus, he could earn some extra money for OU by weaving various commercial endorsements into his campus speeches (Today’s Title IX investigation is brought to you by our good friends at the law firm of Dhuey, Cheatem & How), and with his connections at Landers Chevrolet he could have the transportation needs of OU solved using loaner and demo Chevys. Then in deference to Gallogy he could name Cardboard Jim Traber or Teddy Ruxpin in charge of reviewing requests for funds (Nyet, nyet).
Oh Mama!
Left out the Donald.
What about Scott Pruitt… NO WAY..
All of the businesses on Campus Corner will be converted into Chick-fil-a’s for his wife to feed and employ all of the students if Scott becomes President of OU.
ANITA. HILL. YES.
Joe Exotic, Joe Mixon, Anderson Cooper, Rachael Maddow, Mayor Pete, Don Lemon, Kieth Obermann, James Clapper,Bill Clinton, Mike Turpin so many quality candidates. GO SOONERS GO!
Apparently the only two criteria used during the last selection was arrogant asshole. Since I’m highly qualified in both categories I’d like to extend my name for consideration.
I’m wondering what kind of a retirement package one gets after 10 months on the job. It used to take about six months to qualify for any company benefits — back when companies had benefits. Can you even be eligible to “retire” without working a year? Not my university, but it sounds like I might speak for a few others: “Good riddance, ‘quitter.'”
It makes me angry that he says, “I’m retiring.” He’s QUITTING. What an insult to those of us who worked our asses off for OU and deserve retirement.
Back when companies had benefits?
Yes.
The spin that Gallogly is “retiring” after a troubled ten-month tenure – rather than bailing out to avoid the growing fire roasting his ass – is pretty sickening. Is Ackerman-McQueen doing OU’s PR work these days?
Or is it that the trustees “suggested” that he move on down the trail? Turns out that there were some subtle hints dropped in the couple of days leading up to Gallogly’s “retirement.”
Gary England…..NO ….
David Payne…..NO…..
Gary England….NO….
David Payne…..NO….
OH HELL….HERE WE GO AGAIN!!!
Mayor Mick! He could open an entertainment district on the south oval. I can see it now, Maps for Drunken Coeds.
Options:
(1) A long shot but about a 5% chance: Just like Dick Chaney self selected himself to be VP under George W. I believe OU regent and former Governor Frank Keating would select himself and serve if others concurred.
(2) A laugher with little chance except in the heads of very big OU donors: Former Speaker of the Oklahoma House TW Shannon because: He’s Chickasaw, he’s black, he’s a lawyer kinda, he’s a good talker, he’s tall, he’s a man, he’s compliant, he doesn’t have a very good job, Inhofe and Lankford would salute it as would Dr Death Coburn and TW would take it. Wife, children big plus.
(3) A winner who should be selected: Former Mr Everything at OU Dr. Kelvin Droegemeier, now wasting his time as Science Advisor to Science Denier Donald Trump. Impeccable eduction and research credentials, great listener, thinker, good fundraiser, strong personal credentials, business connections second to none in Oklahoma academia – in other words, he has no chance.
I surely hope that Frank Keating doesn’t have as much as a 5% chance of getting this gig. He’s 75 years old (nearly as old as David Boren and WAY older than the “retiring” Gallogly.
But on Keating’s plus side, since childhood he has been a virulent opponent of what he considers to be socialism and/or Big Government. What could be more socialistic or emblematic of Big Government than a Government University like OU?
Cal makes a great point about Regent Keating maybe pulling a Dick Cheney and selecting himself. Ironically, Keating had high hopes of being George W. Bush’s Veep, or at least his Attorney General. But that money that Keating definitely took from Jack Dreyfus (allegedly in exchange for promoting Dreyfus’ hobby horse of giving Dilantin to Oklahoma prison inmates) probably ended his political career.
https://newsok.com/article/2726074/keating-defends-monetary-gifts
Oddly, all that has been edited out of Keating’s Wikipedia page. Fortunately, the internet has a longer memory than a Wikipedia vanity project.
So instead of high federal office, Keating ended his career as a high-paid DC lobbyist for the insurance and banking industries. Hooray for selfless public service!
Now that I think about it, Keating checks a lot of boxes! 🙁
My choice: Meg Alexander. (You’ll thank me later!)