Achille – The Methed Out, Bigoted Uncle of Oklahoma Towns

Small town Oklahoma is no stranger to drugs, bigotry, and institutionalized unethical behavior. So to say Achille seems to be the most screwed up, back ass wards town in Oklahoma is a pretty bold claim. But I am sticking by it. Last week, the former mayor of this rural town, David Northcutt, was arrested after allegedly breaking into the police department’s evidence room to steal guns, drugs, and cash. Then Northcutt allegedly blamed his actions on a meth addiction.

Generally, we’d spend 2-3 more paragraphs unpacking this particular story, because meth’d out mayors aren’t something you come across every day, even in Oklahoma. But instead, we are using Achille’s most recent antics as a segue to the insanity that has come from this town of less than 500 in just the last 2 years. So, hold on to your mother effins hats, readers. Because we’re about to go balls deep into the story of Achille: the The Methed Out, Bigoted Uncle of Oklahoma Towns.

First of all, let’s take a good look at the politicians of Achille, America. Like we said, last week the now former mayor was arrested for allegedly stealing guns and about $8,000 in cash (apparently used for gambling purposes) from his own police department. But before this, Northcutt already had one hell of a rap sheet, because in October 2018 he was arrested for alleged burglary and meth possession. All this took place after the 2017 investigation into Northcutt reportedly firing a gunshot at his boyfriend during an argument. Nuts, right?

But here’s the thing. Northcutt is not the only elected official in Achille making our blog. Because in December of last year another former mayor and then sitting city councilman, Lynn Chambers, was arrested with four others in a drug bust. I started this post with the wondering of what is in the water to make Achille, Oklahoma such a weird ass place. But I think we can all agree that it’s meth.

And lord baby Jesus, we haven’t even gotten to Achille law enforcement yet. Ya’ll remember Bart Alsbrook, the Nazi cop who was hired by the Colbert Police Department to make the town safe from non-whites through bloodshed and Hitler-worshiping? Well shortly after all this hoopla, the Achille Chief of Police Christopher Watson thought ole Alsbrook would be a great fit for his police department. In fact, Watson even stated he knew fully of Alsbrook’s vita of Nazi activities, which includes serving as the coordinator of the skinhead hate group, Blood & Honor, and still brought him on to the force. But wait, there’s more!

A few weeks ago, the Achille police force (no, not an officer, THE FORCE), was suspended. According to KFOR, the officers obtained a search warrant for Achille Councilman Bryan Baker’s home after reports his wife, a convicted felon, was in possession of a gun. The officers reportedly found a weapon and arrested Ashley Baker. Seems legit, right? Until you remember we’re talking about Achille. According to the Bakers’ neighbor Michael Coble, the gun was actually Coble’s own taken from his property and used as evidence to arrest Baker. This level of shady stuff seems to happen so much in Achille, that I don’t even think we can consider it to be newsworthy anymore.

And we ain’t even done yet. Who knew that a town that knowingly hires racist cops would also have a bigotry problem? Because three days before the whole goddang police force was suspended (with pay), Mayor David Northcutt (yes, the same mayor as the first paragraph, stay with me) was reportedly attacked in an Achille convenience store. Northcutt, an openly gay man, claimed the stranger approached him while yelling homophobic slurs and then proceeded to hit him in the back of the head with a case of beer. But what’s worse is that not even children are safe from the bigotry.

Last August, a 12-year-old transgender girl and her family found they had no choice but to move far, far away from Achille after ADULTS in her school district posted threats and insults at her for using the goddang bathroom. One of the ringleaders of it all??? The man who attacked the gay mayor. Look Achille, I know you only have like 500 people in your town. But surely you can find someone better to pick on than a 12-year-old girl. Maybe try picking on someone your own size? Because God knows there are a lot of adults in Achille who need to be held accountable for their poor decisions.

Look, I know every Oklahoma community has its own set of problems. But Achille is just beginning to look like a problem. Like that one uncle on your mom’s side who tags you and your cousins in racist memes and comments incoherent tirades on anything you post on Facebook that doesn’t subscribe to Rush Limbaugh’s ideology, it’s sometimes kind of embarrassing for Oklahoma to be associated with Achille. Now we can’t exactly block Achille on Facebook to stop hearing reports of the town’s embarrassing antics. But it’s close enough to the border that we can probably just annex it to Texas and be done.

Ya’ll. Follow Hayley on Twitter @squirrellygeek