David Payne’s Radar Dong Won Yesterday’s Severe Weather Coverage…

The apocalyptic severe weather event that struck Oklahoma yesterday kind of reminds me of the final season of Game of Thrones. They were both overhyped and they both under-delivered, but we all watched anyway. Hell, at one point I expected Gary England to sneak onto the News 9 set and stab David Payne in the heart, and then see Payne’s screamin’ eagle, Vortices, scorch Nex-Gen radar with one long breath of hail fire.

But, alas, that didn’t happen. The most exciting part of last night’s weather coverage had to be David Payne fending off this epic radar dong as it flew across Oklahoma City.

We’ve shared a lot of severe weather dongs over the years. Although the dong appears to be weakening as it hits a cold front, this could be the best one ever. Not only does it look like God (or Serge Ibaka) appeared on radar and took a gigantic piss on Jones, but I really like David Payne’s gray camouflage weather suit. It matches the News 9 weather map perfectly!

Another similarity between yesterday’s urgent, level 5, pink-bubbles-all-over-the-map PDS weather event and Game of Thrones is that they both delivered mixed—if not primarily negative—reactions on social media.

Where Game of Thrones fans couldn’t believe showrunners decided to boil five seasons worth of deep, nuanced material into a cliche-driven, logic-defying, six-episode montage of head-scratching plot points, lots of residents in the OKC metro TV viewing audience couldn’t believe we, once again, shut down schools and businesses for what turned out to be a run-of-the-mill, late-May mix of heavy rain, flash-flooding and a few isolated tornadoes.

I understand the anger. I think it’s absurd that most metro school districts closed for Monday on Sunday night, but can you really blame them, when the for-profit media shares doomsday stuff like this?

For what it’s worth, the metro didn’t receive any tornado strikes. In fact, I don’t think it started raining here until 5 p.m., but it also looks like we dodged a screamin’ eagle or two. Check out this map of the original NWS PDS area dotted with the tornadoes that actually touched ground:

Basically, the tornadoes missed us like a bunch of scorpion arrows. Great! Yippee! But the severe-weather-hype media, once again, oversold a storm system and shut down a city. Boo. Hiss. Yippee!

Here are a few other notes and observations about last night’s coverage:

• I’m not sure if David Payne got a new weather term glossary for Christmas, but he was testing a shitload of new catchphrases and weather terms. You can find a lot in the replies to this tweet:

• He could be trying out some new meds or simply missed Marla, but Mike Morgan was more subdued than normal. He just hasn’t been the same since KFOR made him take off the bedazzled weather tie.

• Damon Lane is still trying to build chemistry with his new stormchasers. They weren’t always on the same page, but on a positive note, there were no premature tornado declarations.

Anyway, I guess that kind of sum things up. I would continue writing this recap, but just like I do with GoT, I need to re-watch last night’s coverage to see if there’s anything I missed.


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31 Responses

  1. These weather nerds need to look up the definition of the word “forecast”.
    Especially Davey “Peanuthead” Payne who constantly uses words like possibly, maybe, perhaps, could be, etc. Wish I could find a gig that paid that much for nothing.

    1. The definition of ‘forecast’ is: to predict or estimate a future event. So, words like ‘possibly’, ‘maybe’, ‘perhaps’, are perfectly suited for forecasting. I’m not sure what you’re trying to say here. If you expect a weather forecast to be 100% accurate then perhaps you’re the peanuthead.

  2. Watching David Payne’s this-is-going-to-be-an-epic-record-breaking-storm then switching to Mike Morgan’s snooze-fest was definitely noticeable. I didn’t realize it was the tie. I was able to tell that Morgan definitely is eating healthy. Hopefully KFOR won’t take away his jacket anytime soon.

    BUT! I’m glad the hype turned out to be nothing. My kids were in Briarwood when the school was leveled. I lost my house. I’m glad the schools cancelled classes as a precaution. It helped me focus on bigger issues yesterday—sitting my fat ass on the couch watching the overhyped weather broadcasts until KFOR switched to the Voice at 7. And I’m definitely glad that I woke up with a roof over my head today.

    So what should Oklahoma’s meteorologists do? I’ve already watched the current episode of the grossly inaccurate show The Code via on demand. Yesterday, I could have switched channels to something other than Payne then Morgan then Payne again just to make sure I wasn’t missing something. I think the possibility of tornados is something I’d rather be over-prepared for.

    Anyway—awesome analysis. It was a great read that prompted me to take time to respond. Keep up the amazing work!

    1. 👏

  3. Patrick darling! What am I going to do with you?? Oklahoma teachers are your NEW Ogle Maddness Champs, so you need to take that pencil off your ear and stick it in a pencil grinder. What, that either sounded really good or really bad! I can help you with that…..LOL. Anyway, there WERE indeed multiple TORNADO STRIKES in the Metro with this storm. East of Lake Thunderbird and NW of Piedmont. Do you want me to have my hubby make it hit your house next time to make it count?? I can help you with that too!! LOL So, anyway, you have now given me an excuse to put my TLO Maddness satchel back on with some killer stiletto’s and straiten all this out!!
    XOXO! Marla

    1. Yes-1 million times Yes-more Marla!!!!!!!!!!

      However can you also help the local weathermen with a few things-since I know you’re qualified and also have their ear?
      First and foremost-I understand filler and also the attempt to provide clarity/information BUT the incessant explanations of weather related details, terms, and use of multiple examples of why in the very near future they will be correct (this is directly pointed at D. Payne as the worst offender, but all are guilty of this). It’s like having the guy at the garage tell you every detail, term, definition and predicting what your car will do as he’s working on it. For me I want to know: where it’s dangerous, when it’s dangerous and what I need to do now or near future, not an in-depth class in the weather forecasting.
      Second, the constant live shots of windshield wipers and rows of fences and some clouds-add nothing other than rating points and reasons for other people to talk on the television. They provide little to no security for people that exceeds or equals the radar/helicopter information. They also are extremely annoying in their constant comments of people needing to be off the roads so they can do their job-WRONG they have no more rights/access than any other vehicle/news truck.
      Third-More helicopter, and way less coverage when there is not a pressing/emergent need-for me it seems that until one station blinks and goes off the air, none will and stay on droning about what is basically a rainstorm.

      I know this is futile as while the technology and skill of the weathermen are admirable, the ratings chase, weather arms race, and obsessive competitiveness to be labeled as OKC’s BEST/TOP/GREATEST weather channel seems to creep more and more into the picture.

      So Marla if you can’t help with the above at least help us Marla fans by posting more and more pics of you and posting more often in the comments, your wit, candor and viewpoints are appreciated.

    2. Mike, your email address when hovering over “Marla’s” handle is a dead giveaway. Gotta do better.

    3. Marla will always be the Champ in my opinion…stunning!

  4. All I can say is don’t play the David Payne Drinking Game on a school night. Today already feels like it’s been two days long.

    And I only used three words:
    Rain wrapped

  5. I can’t stand watching David Payne because he can’t stop playing with his penis … or balls … or whatever … in his pocket. Isn’t there anyone at Channel 9 who could put a stop to that? He looks like a freakin’ perv.

    1. Pretty sure that’s the remote to the screens but what do I know? 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣

      1. If he’s changing screens with his left hand he must have magic balls. I’ve seen him with his left hand in his pocket with the remote in his right hand.

    2. It’s actually called pocket pool…..eight ball in the side pocket! Payne is a pro at it.

  6. Normally I would give our social media-rologists a hard time with a bust forecast, but they get a pass from me for yesterday. The ingredients were lining up for what could have been a disastrous day. When the models are agreeing on what could happen within 12 hours of the event, I take that seriously. Plus given people’s memories of a storm that occurred six years ago (that I myself had frankly forgotten about) is enough to err on the side of caution.

    A couple of things I noticed-

    David Payne is the conductor of the hype train.

    Jonathan Condor on channel 5 is the engineer of said train. At one point he singled out a lone storm near Altus and said, “oh this looks bad for OKC. It could develop into a large tornado when it arrives at 8pm.” I was watching the refreshes of the radar and I may have only made it to business calculus in college, but even I could tell that the storm was taking a sharp north turn and wasn’t headed toward OKC. His forecasting and guesses were pure hype during last night’s broadcast.

    Since yesterday was forecast as ominous over a large swath of the state, why couldn’t the three channels organize their storm chasers to work together in assigned quadrants? Instead of each being in the same place trying to get their best shot at the storm, they could have worked together to provide a clearer picture for all the storms occurring in the state simultaneously. There were definite spots that each channel missed because their chasers were scattered trying to be the “first” with a particular shot of a supercell. I realize the reason why, ratings, and if you don’t think the weather is used as a ratings ploy, then why does each channel advertise that they brought the best coverage of the storm to you first.

  7. The Radar Dong humor is about as goofy as Lump’s fart humor! However, giving the weathermen and gals hell is A-OK!

  8. Wanna avoid all the stress? Do what I did. Run electricity, TV and Internet into you storm shelter. Stock it with wine and scotch, lean back on the futon and watch Netflix or Pornhub or whatever floats your boat. If the electricity goes off go to sleep and in a few hours take a peak to see if your house is still standing.

  9. rather see storm coverage than a bunch of politicians bickering over the Mueller report

  10. Somebody needs to put some Valium in climate change denier KOCO’s Michael Armstrong before he can go out tornado hunting again. Good grief – all the screaming and drama! Muzzle that man.

  11. I’m just glad it didn’t turn out as bad as it could have. I wouldn’t blame the weather forecasters for hype and wouldn’t get mad at the schools. I look at the National Weather Service forecasts *because* they don’t try to make things exciting and they were warning that the conditions had serious potential for something as bad as May 20 a few years ago and maybe even May 1999. Really, to be prepared for the worst and have nothing serious happen is a blessing.

  12. I rarely watch TV any more but turned it on yesterday. True, there was a good possibility of some damaging storms. But it seemed like the stations were in a race to get the first live footage of a tornado. Maybe even hoping for a big one it seemed. I don’t need live “tornado genesis” footage, I just need to where it is and where it is headed.

    I turned it off after about an hour and just waited for the sirens to go off. Edmond used to be trigger happy and sound the sirens if there was a possible tornado 15 miles away going the other direction. People got to where they just ignored them. They seem to do better now.

  13. David Payne is by far the best weatherman on TV and certainly the best I have ever seen. Love his reporting.

  14. The TV guys didn’t issue the PDS. The NWS did.

    If the data supports it they should go with it.

    But I agree Payne looked disappointed.

    1. Actually the Storm Prediction Center did, with help from the Norman NWS office. And I agree, the coverage from all of them seemed to show some disappointment with the way things turned out. Also don’t forget about the 4AM storms that produced tornadoes south and east of OKC. I know at our house (in Norman) 2 phones, a weather radio, and tornado sirens made sure that we were up. TV coverage was good without being over hyped.

  15. Having arrived back at home at 1pm, I tuned in to News 9. Needles to say, I will be taking a break from David “Look at my sexy weather dong” Payne. Just too much airtime at once. I mean c’mon.. Let one of the other three personalities tag in for a bit, especially if you are needing to grab a bite to eat or take a bathroom break. Thankful that the weather didn’t turn out worse and we here in OKC were spared the tornado’s but good grief.

  16. I’m actually proud of the usual idiots that post comments in here. I just knew I’d see an unending stream of comments that said weathermen are the worst people on the face of the earth because:
    – they cause businesses to lose money for closing down early
    – they’re in a scam with grocery stores to ensure people hysterically buy up all the milk and bread
    – they cause schools to shut down and there’s no child care for the kids
    And of course, the standard comment: “if I were wrong that many times in my job, I’d be fired”.

    So, good job TLO Idiots. You didn’t spew you’re usual babble and take the bait that Patrick dangled out there for you.

  17. It was wall-to-wall, continuous coverage all day long until “The Voice” and “The Bachelorette” came on. Then, a map with warning areas and occasional updates began to suffice. Those must be some of Mother Nature’s favorite shows.

  18. It was too cold outside for major tornadoes. They knew it, but didn’t want to let a good weather freak out to get away.

  19. When it’s a tornado event, I don’t mind them hyping it up. We don’t need more situations of tornadoes hitting schools of unprepared students, and I’d rather people be huddling to their forecast of choice than out driving and being surprised when the sirens blare.

    It’s when non-severe weather is hyped up as catastrophic that it’s annoying.

  20. How did everyone miss David Payne calling a rotating tail poking out of the clouds a turtle head. Monday between 3:00 and 3:05. If anyone is playing the drinking game, Turtle Head calls for extra special treatment…like a beer enema. Seriously…a Turtle Head. Just like the declarations of snowmageddon, as long as it sells furniture, all is fair.

    1. Even Lacie Swope was like, what did you just say? It was hilarious.

  21. I swear David looked like he was almost going to cry when he realized no F5s were going to strike.

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