5 things more helpful to carry in Oklahoma than a handgun

Having been a semi-functioning member of society for a while now, I have had my fair share of needless training opportunities requirements. For example, I took a driver’s ed course to learn to parallel park for my test back in 2007 and have not parallel parked since. I also still firmly believe I didn’t need a 2-hour lecture in order to learn to make popcorn at the movie theater that employed me as a teenager. Lastly, I’ve never met the Queen of England or the Pope, so you know damn well that those Girl Scout etiquette classes went to waste.

But even as half-assed as it is in our state, I am glad Oklahoma does require citizens to attend training to acquire the handgun license needed to conceal a gun on their person. That is, until November 1st of this year when “constitutional carry” is supposed to take place. But some Oklahomans don’t think the new law is as “constitutional” as it appears.

Via FOX25…

Oklahoma City, Okla. (KOKH) — State Representative Jason Lowe says the fight isn’t over after submitting a petition to veto the state’s constitutional carry law.

Lowe says he plans to go before the Oklahoma State Supreme Court as soon as Wednesday morning to defend the legality of the petition.

The court gave them until 5 p.m. Thursday, and wants to know how many signatures they got.

Just minutes before the deadline last week, stacks of signed petitions were hauled into the Secretary of State.

Lowe says there was no time to count and see if they hit their mark of almost 60,000 signatures.

“We don’t know the exact amount, but we do know that thousands and thousands of Oklahomans have expressed their displeasure with this law,” Lowe said. “They believe it’s dangerous. They believe it should not be enacted.”

Unless the law is challenged, as of November 1st many Oklahomans will have the ability to conceal a handgun without a license. The concept of “constitutional carry” makes me sad for three reasons. One, because even though the concealed carry training and application process is more safety theater than actual training, handgun license holders still have to go through background checks to be able to carry a weapon. Two, because I’ve already spent about $200 total for my own concealed carry class and handgun license.

Lastly three, since we live in the real world and not a post-apocalyptic erotic fan fiction posted online by some NRA card holder, there are often blurred lines between who is the “good guy” with a gun and who is the “bad guy.” Often times a “good guy” with a gun can quickly turn into a “bad guy.” After all, research suggests that bringing in a gun may actually make a confrontation more dangerous than de-escalate it. On top of that, a recent report by the FBI found evidence to suggest unarmed citizens were more likely to intervene and stop active shooters successfully than armed citizens.

But as an Oklahoman, I understand there is this need for rugged self-reliance ingrained in us all. I’m not saying I want Oklahomans to be helpless. I’m just saying there are probably more helpful things we can carry than guns, including…

 

A Dildo

Yeah, you might think you look like someone nobody wants to mess with if you have the butt end of a Ruger LCP II poking out of the pocket holster in your Wranglers. But think about how few interactions you’d get if it was a 12-inch realistic dildo hanging out of your back pocket! Find one today at your local Patricia’s.

 

A stack of The Watchtower magazine

Forget semi-automatic handguns! Nothing scares people off more than the sight of a stranger holding a few copies of the Jehovah’s Witnesses’ monthly Watchtower magazine.

 

 

Pocket sand

According to King of the Hill, Dale Gribble has navigated this world armed with nothing more than a pocket full of sand to throw in the eyes of unsuspecting potential assassins. If it’s good enough for Dale, it’s good enough for any other red-blooded American.

 

A cell phone

Did you know there are actual people you can call, who city and state governments train and pay to navigate crisis situations that involve weapons? That way we don’t have to rely on some random guy, who would likely be wearing a dingy, late 1990s-era OU t-shirt while holding on way too tightly to an un-oiled .380 and a heroic pipe dream, to save the day.

 

A bottle opener

I’m just saying, I use my key chain bottle opener way more often than I use my gun. At least in my situation, carrying the opener has been more helpful than concealed carrying a weapon.

 

This is satire, not advice. I hope I didn’t need to tell you that. Follow Hayley on twitter @squirrellygeek

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120 Responses


  1. You forgot a bullshit detector.


    1. Because it’d always be going off, it’d actually be pretty useless in Oklahoma.


  2. Hahaha @squirrellygeek. I really enjoy reading both yours and Patrick’s posts. As I age, I think I’m leaning more to the right compared to most on here; but the way you present your thoughts are priceless. Absolutely amazing and fun to read.

    OK. To my response. I’m not sure what to think about the “constitutional carry” that takes effect November 1. On one hand, I used to live in Arizona, where anyone could carry a firearm. Not many people did, and life went on as usual.

    On the other hand, this is redneck Oklahoma. Instead of a state high in drug trafficking and illegal immigrants (or in other words, people who do NOT want to attract the attention of the police), we have rednecks. Good ole boys who like their alcohol and guns.

    I served in the military. I used to be a cop. I know how to handle a gun. I haven’t publicly carried since I was a cop. I’m a firm believer that bringing a handgun into an already uneasy situation will only escalate the situation. I’d rather just leave mine at home, so both parties can walk away.

    But this is Oklahoma. Rednecks, beer, and now right to carry without even the smallest amount of training on when it’s appropriate to pull your gun? I have my concerns.

    My gun will still stay at home. I hope that after November 1, there won’t be a reason for me to change my mind. Hopefully I’ll go into public and see people walking around with dildos hanging out of their back pockets! 😂😂😂


    1. Sad


  3. Great column in the Tulsa World the other day… about “Open Carry Theater – of the absurd.”

    https://www.tulsaworld.com/opinion/columnists/francis-wilkinson-open-carry-isn-t-about-public-safety-it/article_429f833f-ff7a-5991-8f0c-b70703e301bb.html

    Fact: your gun is more likely to kill or injure you or a member of your household than to protect you. You knew that – right?

    I have a question for pistol-packing gun enthusiasts: when the shooting starts and everyone pulls out their guns, how do we know who to shoot at? How do we tell the good guy from the bad guy? (Or gal, with a nod to Hayley.)

    One definite rule: if you happen to be black, you DEFINITELY don’t want to be open-carrying around white people. That’s likely gonna end badly for you.

    There was the guy shot and killed by a cop in an Walmart while carrying a BB gun he had just picked up in the store.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtPt6GrnE6s

    And there was the black man who police shot and killed when he drew his own gun during a shooting incident and was mistaken for the actual suspect.

    https://www.reuters.com/article/us-alabama-police/alabama-police-officer-cleared-in-shooting-of-black-man-at-mall-idUSKCN1PV02C

    Carrying while black? Oh my….

    (Giving Patrick lots to do today, moderating my mult-link comments.) 🙂


    1. “I have a question for pistol-packing gun enthusiasts: when the shooting starts and everyone pulls out their guns, how do we know who to shoot at? How do we tell the good guy from the bad guy? (Or gal, with a nod to Hayley.)”

      Pistol-packing gun enthusiast, checking in. Just speaking for myself here, but it really depends on the situation. If I am in a crowded space and a bunch of people suddenly start shooting at each other, I am not going to draw a firearm and instead focus on getting the hell out of there.

      If one person suddenly draws a firearm and begins shooting into a crowd, and I happen to be in a position to see clearly what is happening and be close enough to do something about it, I would draw a firearm and try to stop that person.

      If I am walking up to a building and hear gunshots coming from within and see a crowd rushing out, I am going to turn and run. There is no telling what is going on in there and whether I would be any help. And I am no hero. That is what police are for.

      My third scenario may sound contradictory to my second (why not just let the police handle that as well?), but I contend that it is not. Most mass shootings are typically concluded inside of 6 minutes. It generally takes police on the average over 3 or 4 minutes to show up on the scene. I do not like those odds if I happen to be standing right there next to a shooter. I would rather be carrying than not in such a scenario.


    2. Wow. The amount of misinformation is just astronomical.


      1. Can you enlighten us? No. Okay.


    3. Oh here we go with the lets make everything racist bull shit retard response.
      But okay let’s do this shall we!!!

      Did you know that a lot of gun control regulations were intended to keep people of color from carrying a firearm look at the gun control laws passed in the 60s on up when the black neighborhood watch (the Black Panthers) were most active oh and not to mention that there’s a group now a days that want a law that states that you can only own a gun if you have a good credit score.
      Wait one minute but white people have bad credit scores as well!!! Well yes that is true I myself at one point had bad credit but lets take a look at who the majority of who lives in ghettos and who is more then likely (NOT ALL YOU RACIST RACE BAITING P.O.S.) but on average its people of color due to car repos and defaulting on a lone or just as simple enough as having to choose between a bill or feeding their kids or themself guess what not paying a bill goes on your credit no matter what the circumstances are and yes white people do have those same problems as well.


      1. Ugh, What?


      2. For the vast majority of it’s history, gun rights views never took the stance of “all gun control is against the second amendment.” They were gun safety groups first and foremost. They began a shift for political reasons and took the current stance, which is when conservatives liked to pretend that the second amendment says no laws ever. Before then, even staunch constitutionalists like Antonin Scalia supported certain restrictions on civilian gun ownership.


        1. *gun rights groups, not views. That’d make no sense.


  4. well I’ll play devil’s advocate….you are at the movie theater and a person stands up and starts shooting at everyone….you will damn sure wish someone or yourself was packing at that moment. Bullets wont be flying from several different guns, you will know who to shoot at and needs to be stopped…all this gun control crap is going to do is take the guns out of the hands of the good guys…bad guys will still have guns.


    1. Unless the guy with that gun isn’t a great shot and could wind up shooting me when I had a chance to escape. Or if that guy is a hothead like that ex cop who shot a guy in a theater over an argument several years ago. And if I’m that guy with a gun, I’m sure hoping there isn’t anyone else with a gun who comes in or looks over once I have my gun out, because they might think I’m the bad guy with the gun and shoot me. You can go devil’s advocate any way you want, really, and this all ignores the point of these laws isn’t to stop good guys from having guns, it’s just to make it harder for the bad guys to get guns.

      Guns can and have helped stopped crimes, yes. I’m not anti-gun. But this narrative of good civilians with guns stopping all these crimes isn’t really true most of the time. There was a big study by, I think, the FBI several years back and found that civilians without guns actually stopped crimes in more cases than civilians with guns.


      1. reckon thats because there are a helluva lot more citizens without guns????


        1. Sure, there are a lot more without guns. However, it could also be said that adding more guns to a situation of mass chaos could just create more chaos. I remember a story about a guy shooting at people in New York, and NYPD fired back. When they analyzed the situation, the guy killed no one, and the police hit and killed bystanders. How much better are civilians with guns going to be in high-pressure, high stress situations? If you’re in a crowd, would you want to take the chance of more bullets flying around as the “good guys with a gun” try to identify and put down the assailant while in a mob?

          When there are mass shootings, like was in the scenario, often times there are people with guns nearby who don’t respond, because they know that having guns makes them a potential target to people who don’t know.

          If we were talking about a home invasion, it’d be a different story. Mass shootings are fundamentally completely different crime scenes.


          1. Most civilian firearm carriers shoot and train much more than your average cop.

            My 13 year daughter shoots 2-3 times as much as our local cops. And it shows.


            1. And has she ever had to actually use it in a live combat situation with other people around?


    2. If a guy stands up at the movie theater and starts shooting, I will wish a lot of things from the magic genie.

      1) That I went to another movie.
      2) That I had bulletproof armour
      3) That I had trained heavily in martial arts and not drank 3 beers
      4) That I was carrying ninja weapons(and learned how to throw them)
      5) That I had a gun
      6) That the theater had an armed guard
      7) That the shooter’s mom had an abortion

      Here is an alternative scenario:
      “I bet if your house caught on fire, you would wish you had installed an industrial sprinkler system in your kitchen”. Sure, you would probably wish for anything to stop/save you from the fire if you had a magic genie.

      But, the easiest solution would be


  5. I don’t see the devils advocate/movie theater scenario ever playing out as described.

    The bad guy starts shooting people and people either fall or run to exits. The good guy running in to save the day in time to save the day rarely happens. The chance of him being shot by another good guy seems outlandish.

    If a bad guy gets up and starts shooting people, everyone with guns will start shooting the bad guy. Or at least try. My biggest fear in that situation will be good guys shooting innocent bystanders. I really don’t see that happening. Fight or flight, people run. I can speak from experience that it’s hard to shoot back when bullets are flying past you. Natural reaction is to duck and stay down. The movies where everyone is standing up shooting everyone just doesn’t happen.

    I’m more concerned about untrained people carrying guns and then using them as their first line of protection when the “bad guy” only has fists. That’s murder. That does happen. Innocent bystanders don’t usually get shot . Which makes me think more into this haphazardly written and not well thought out response. What if the bullet goes through the unarmed “bad guy” and then strikes someone else? That also seems like a possibility.

    Hmm…I really don’t see Oklahoma becoming the Wild West. I do know that my road rage will be kept in check. I can imagine road rage shootings as well. Again though, murder. Interesting times we live in!


  6. Dear Hayley, it’s unfortunate you haven’t had to curtsy. (I myself learned to bow in the Royal Ambassadors). But shame on your scout leader if you can’t set a table. I know Joy Hofmeister and by all that’s holy she’d have Judith Martin (Emily Post is passe, nest-ce pas?) taught at one’s earliest entry into our public institutions of learning.
    Your dildo as a weapon seems reasonable though I would suggest employing the Steely Dan; you know in case you having lunch naked.
    Keep up the excellent satire.


  7. To protest a new state law that makes the carrying of concealed handguns legal in college classrooms, students at the University of Texas on Wednesday openly displayed sex toys, an act considered illegal under local indecency laws.

    “We are fighting absurdity with absurdity,” said Jessica Jin, leader of the protest called “Cocks Not Glocks: Campus (Dildo) Carry,” where hundreds of sex toys were given away at the rally on Wednesday that coincided with a return to classes at university’s flagship campus.

    https://www.huffpost.com/entry/university-of-texas-carry-dildos-instead-of-guns_n_57bf0342e4b085c1ff27fa3b


    1. Well done, Horns! 👍


  8. I myself much prefer “congealed” rather than “concealed” carry, but I’m not prepared to go into the particulars of how that works.


  9. I just want to know where I can pick up a “Hello Kitty” Desert Eagle!?!


  10. Or or just maybe you mind your own business on what I carry and I don’t yank that dildo out of your pocket and and suction cup it to your face

    We got a deal… Either way im going to keep carrying a firearm


    1. You’re the main reason for background checks.


      1. Lol I’ve purchased at least 25 firearms in my life all of them from gun stores that guess what do background checks and guess what the same background check that the osbi does for the carry permit
        Guess what if you have no felonies/domestic charges or any mental issues on your record you can pass a background check quick fast and in a hurry. But KC don’t get all upset when someone tells you to mind your business but you are the type of person I would guerilla glue a dildo to that forehead and make a permanent example of hell even the state of oklahoma knows how to mind it’s own business that’s why we have no requirements to register any type of firearm


        1. You may have passed a background check, but you’ve never passed a grammar check.


      2. WOW! Definately


    2. Every person(yes, every person) I know that has license to carry has told me about instances when they felt they might have to use that gun since they had license to carry. One instance was as simple as a dude and his girl “eyeballing him” while walking across an intersection in front of his car. He said he thought he was gonna have to shoot them. I suggested a different viewpoint, he might have been judging whether traffic was going to start moving. I always look to see if drivers see me crossing the street in front of them. He “knew that not to be what was happening by the way he looked at him”. Instantly I knew he wasn’t mature enough to be the guy licensed to carry. There is value to having one than not, but hold off discussing your arsenal with me and everyone around, measuring dicks and arsenal sizes is not my idea of a good time. The more of a secret it is, the safer you are. Keep it in your pants.


  11. As a Jehovah’s Witness, i can tell you, nothing makes people run than a stack of Watchtowers. Lol. True story!!!


  12. Now some half baked punk bragging about bullying someone because he carries a gun? Just what the law was written for I’m sure.
    I do find it interesting though that when actual x GIs when confronted with an actual mass shooting at a college chose to keep their weapons holstered because they knew they could or would be shot by the police in the melee. So someone besides SJ, the buckaroo, someone who actually knew what they were talking about would think before they acted. Someone who’d been actually shot at.
    And then there’s the SJ strutting his stuff down the main aisle at your local grocery store. 357 shoved down his crotch for all to see. Gonna beat someone over the head with a dildo guy. Ready for action!
    How in Hell do I know this fool isn’t the next mass shooter simply moving for a better position before starting up? This law is insane.
    If you want to strap on an AK and hit the local pool hall in Bumfuck Oklahoma it will be your choice, soon enough, but one better keep ones eye out for the crazies. They are right here on this website trying already to prove they actually do have a penis.
    Oh, and those concealed weapons courses? Went to one in Hennessey. Worth 5 times the cost. Best few hours I could ever hope to spend. Tried to teach people not to be an SJ just because they had a gun. A gun is an INSTANT life changer. Never forget that. Instructors best advice? If you go to a place where you actually believe you need a gun? Don’t go.


    1. “Instructors best advice? If you go to a place where you actually believe you need a gun? Don’t go.” Awesome advice!

      Fortunately, the SJ’s are few and far between and usually show up only online making their macho man remarks because they are pussies in real life.

      Myself, my gun is my dildo and I’ll smack it upside SJ’s head. Name the time and place, brah.

      Wow. It is possible to sound cool hidden behind my iPhone. In all honesty, it isn’t the SJs that I’m concerned about. It’s the gang-banger that the cop has to give the gun back to that concerns me.


      1. John b. And then you woke up boy but like i said to KC im glad you think you know me.

        So as for time and place how about 5pm today at your mom’s house so I can get her to make me a sandwich after I give her a dirty Sanchez on top of your unconscious body when I make you go night night if you think you can get away with hitting me with anything… Your call on that one i can take it or leave it

        But as far as calling me a pussy yup sure am what i eat but you are a dip shit that wouldn’t know what humor was even if it slapped you in the face with it’s dick but let me brake it down in terms a monkey can understand

        Mind your business (if it doesn’t involve you in any sort of way stay out of it)

        Suction cupping a dildo to your face (reminding you that what i do is none of your business) unless 1. We are married 2. You pay my bills/mortgage 3. I work for you 4. I’m on your property/in your store and if none of those apply and in this situation they don’t I don’t give to shits what you think I should have or not have/do


    2. KC im glad you think you know who I am and what I’m about my statement was simple its none of your business what I have. And side note i served 8 years in the army I’ve been to Afghanistan i know more about gun safety then what someone can teach in an 8hr class I also know first hand what getting shot at is like. I also know that the only time i will pull my firearm is to protect my family’s and or my life personally I could give a shit less about you or yours because you are not worth me possibly going to jail for


      1. Go back to Afghanistan, they need you…..


        1. Bazz 😂😂😂😂😂

          SJ—- Tonight at 201 N Shartel Ave. Please bring all of your guns! 😂😂😂😂

          Well, this discussion has went downhill quickly. Obviously a very heated topic. Everyone, please stay safe and smart!


      2. SJ we all know what you are. You’re an easy read. The likes of you are the very reason the new law is insane and will be overturned. You’re not safe with a water pistol.
        Believe it or not there are Drs. out there that can help you.


  13. Yea it went downhill just like your time in Afghanistan…. If History serves as a guide post…. They really need you…


  14. John b are you insinuating that i need to bring my guns are you planning to shoot me are you afraid of a fist fight that you wanted to call me out for and 201 shartel Ave is the Ok county jail
    You must be a cop or a prison guard that thinks hes more of a bad ass then what he is and couldn’t handle being called out or being called stupid. Next time you tell someone time and place and then tell them you would hit them with some sort of object don’t be surprised when they except the challenge but i doubt you would say it to someone who really knows you or to someone’s face that you don’t know… Pussy


  15. Oh and bazz it went downhill faster then your mom at the brothel on dollar night… Didn’t want you to feel left out kid


    1. Sj-Let me break this down in a way you should understand.

      Your to much of a moron fore even spellcheck too help. Jest except it.

      I really would love to keep this going, but I’m done disrespecting Hayley’s original post. Which was awesome.

      I’ll see ya’ll on the flip side!


  16. Well john b let me put it to you this way this if you couldn’t tell was a satire article in which I had a smartass post to it that you took completely literal because you have the mental capacity of a two-year-old monkey yes even though there was a little bit of truth to it as far as people need to mind their own business and as funny as it would be to see somebody walking around with a dildo suction cup to their head no I literally would not do that it would be a waste of a perfectly good dildo but I wouldn’t expect a dumb bastard like you to understand what satire or sarcasm is

    So see you later


  17. And this is what we get when vets get home from Afghanistan… you kiss your mom with that mouth? She must be so proud…


    1. Lol that cunt can rott in hell.
      But on another note bazz if words offend and hurt you I think you really need to re evaluate your life and are you going to bring up vets and Afghanistan on every comment are you jealous that some people actually have the balls to do and be apart of something bigger then ourselves unlike yourself.

      Yes our mouths maybe a little foul and our humor maybe a little sick but its all a part of dealing with seeing sick shit did you know that terrorists use to kidnap children and kill them stuff them with IED’S and leave them on the side of the road as the same with dogs you tell me how would you handle that since you think you know how to act


  18. Got PTSD… I know I’m not a tool for the Man…. I think you left any honor you had in Afghanistan… or you would never have referenced your service in the first place…. 18 years of war in a country that’s no better off than when the Russians were there…. and you want to run a victory lap…. oh you were something bigger than yourself alright….. and look where you are now…. FUBAR


  19. https://missoulian.com/news/local/missoula-to-take-up-ordinance-monday-banning-firearms-in-public/article_b7d42f66-a48c-54bb-b427-115c1333ec75.html


  20. Spoken like a true person who is clueless in the matter of what he speaks of.
    First you know nothing of honor and second i know what the Russians did over there they killed men women and children alike just to slaughter them hell they even raped the women for fun the most effective tool over there is a helicopter because the Russians would shoot at the people from them like they were mowing the yard now when they see a bird flying over they scatter. But no you are right our 18 years of being there is just as bad to that country as the Russian invasion.
    Except the fact unlike Russia the United States has rules we have to follow


    1. It’s a Sunday… I don’t follow rules on Sunday… after MEPS… my MOS recommendation was 56M….. as for honor… thy self…


  21. Ok…I know I said I wouldn’t comment anymore. 😂🤣😂🤣. But it looks like someone has watched Rambo 3. 😂😂😂 Especially when he says that Americans follow rules. 🤔. Do we have some fake valor going on? When did you serve? Where in Afghanistan? What unit? Sj…please answer, or I will call you out…and it won’t just be me, brah.


    1. Just because I went through MEPS and was recommended an MOS (as a Chaplins assistant ) doesn’t mean I accepted Uncle Shams offer….. you see rather than get used like a tool… I honored thyself….. but that was the late 90s… at 30 plus years old I tried to join to escape debt…. but with MOS option like that why would I …. I am a very devout non believer….


  22. Ride the snake…


  23. Thanks for the great article. See how guns just make everything better? Have a problem? Buy a fucking gun.
    Great job, Gov. Bull Stitt. You and our child raping Legislature are setting up Oklahoma’s 1st mass shooting! Well regulated militia my ass.
    And SJ if you are a vet, thanks. But please stand down. You’re back in the states now.


  24. John b call me out for what i served from 09 to 16. Went to ft. Knox for basic in July of 09 I know they shut that down in 2012 for basic my first unit was 2ID n camp red cloud Korea my second unit in which I deployed was 3rd Bn 1st Armored division better known as old ironsides and we deployed in September of 2011 to July of 2012 because they cut back to 9 month deployments at that time and i was in a shit hole town of barraki barrak in RC EAST the main fob (forward operating base) that we were out of was fob altemor (cant remember off the top of my head if that’s how it’s spelled) but I was a few hrs west of them on c.o.p. barraki barrak as previously stated as from my 3rd and final unit was the 45th out of norman oklahoma.
    And john b I know that all u.s. soldiers dont follow the ROE but when found out of their wrong doing they get the book thrown at them do they not unless someone covers it up that has been known to happen
    Oh and bazz just because you had a most recommendation at meps doesn’t mean shit cherry until you get excepted and pass basic/Ait but even then you don’t know shit (honor will most often then not get you killed in combat) yes i am proud of those and respect those who have died for our country highly but look at the list of MOH winners of who was alive when they receive it vs. Getting it because they did something honorable and passed on (WAR IS HELL) and until you experience it you dont know anything about it and honor about it p.s. truth be told there is no honor in killing another human being its something you have to live with if you put yourself in that situation

    And kc I really don’t give two shots on what you have to say


    1. Well then I tried to calm you down but that didn’t work so you can get back to trying to grow a penis.
      And good luck with that. Fucking asshole.


  25. But I am laughing at you all because you all got your vaginas twisted together over a smart ass comment on a satire article even the author said the article was satire and not to be taken as serious advice but you people couldn’t find humor at a comedy club and I think ole john b is one of those ex cops that got told to step down from his position because he has way to thin of skin and he probably got caught threatening someone because they told him to fuck off and mind his business


    1. Nice try walking back the fact that you’re just an asshole. I’d also bet you pound that pud nightly while looking at your MAGA hat.


  26. Lol see this is what im talking about you are just mad as shit letting someone on a joke article control your emotions im calm but you are mad and im surprised it took you this long to figure out im an asshole.
    And so what if I pound my pud every night but its not to a maga hat your mom has a nice pic of her bunghole on bangbros.com.

    But i think this is amusing that you are still in denial that this is a joke article that you took as gospel. Oh and by the way if you dont like the fact that people in this state will be allowed to carry without a permit I would suggest that you need to find a state or country that doesn’t allow such things (here is the serious thing) I believe in the second amendment fully nobody who is a law abiding citizen needs the government permission for a right that the government did not give them the 2A does not give permission it just confirmed the (God) given right and that is whatever god you believe in wether it be the Christian god or ahlla (same God different name) really read a Quran if you don’t believe me but my personal favorite God Odin in the region I practice….
    But before i get off topic if you have a problem with anyone’s rights in this country maybe this country is not for you

    I mean its your right to not own a gun/carry one but its other people’s right to own/carry one if they choose a right that I would be willing to fight and die for as i would for every right in the constitution

    See you call me an asshole yes I am but the truth of the matter is the world needs assholes like me wether you like it or not


    1. SJ the world has plenty of assholes like you and we don’t need any more.. Stupid little pricks like you are a dime a dozen. I always thought the military took people who couldn’t get a break in real life, train them, teach them discipline, respect for authority and in short make them a man. Obvious you slipped through the cracks. Get mental help. You desperately need it.


      1. KC First off bud what authorities do you have over me? Thats the problem with you civilians thinking you are some special flower thinking that you just get respect handed to you guess what i dont have to show you a shred of respect. Second I dont need mental help i have no feelings on hurting myself or others nore any intention.

        But Your way of thinking on who goes in the military is way wrong they don’t take people who can’t get a break as in a judge saying war or jail that went away in the 90s i believe
        If you have no criminal record or mental illness and can pass the physical and the asvab you can get in I’ve known better men and women then me in the military but I’ve also known worse way worse had a guy in my platoon that got kicked out for stuffing his wife in the trunk of his car after beating her he got pulled over because his tags were expired DL suspended and he was intoxicated and he was taking her out to the middle of nowhere to kill her. That’s someone who needs mental help but you think I need it because i said I would stick a dildo to someone’s face. I think you need to file your ID-10-T form


  27. Can you at least take an English class? Or learn the difference between accept and except? Or learn to use at least a couple periods? Thank you for your cervix. Damn spellcheck. Service.


  28. Aww can’t find anything but spelling to pick at? by the way is this a graded English test ? Didn’t know that you must be some sort of teacher as well as an ex police officer. And thank you as well for your cervix 😁 that one was not a spelling error.

    As a side note you as being in law enforcement should know telling someone that you are going to go upside their head is a violent threat obviously not that i took real offence to it but someone could. And that could get you in deep shit now if i got a cop knocking on my door over me saying I would suction cup a dildo to someone’s face I’d just laugh and shut the door


    1. Sj—just a small piece of advice if you continue to post on this forum. You can take the advice or not.

      You need to calm down, man. I know you said you’re laughing at us, but I really think it was the other way around. IMO, anytime someone posted something with your name, you had to respond. And your responses seemed passionate. I know myself was kidding. Meet at the County Jail. Really? Bring all of your guns. Really? I was just having fun. I knew your responses would be over the top.

      So if you continue to post in these forums, don’t take things so personal. Yes, the majority of followers to this site seem to be far left liberals. I am not. I love seeing different points of views on topics. If you post something that goes against their beliefs, you will usually get called out. Be witty on a comeback. Keep it fun. Hell, I may even be on your side on most of them.

      I don’t know, man. Have fun. Carry your guns. Stop talking about other people’s moms. Don’t be an asshole. There’s really no point for it here. Just beat them by articulating your beliefs in a nonviolent way.

      Ok, I’ll end this before you think I’m lecturing you. I believe that you did serve in our great military. So did I. Thank you for your service. I’m sorry that you saw shit that most people should never see. If you ever need to talk about it to a professional, let me know. If you ever need help with any of your veteran benefits, let me know. I went from active duty to DoD civilian at Tinker to now working for VHA. I’ve networked. I know people. Please remember that you are never alone.

      John


  29. This what I see over and over again with Vets coming home from the middle east….. completely whacked out of the minds….. I just don’t see the exchange rate being justified….. Like Baghdad or Kabul is prime realastate…


    1. I don’t see that at all bazz, and I personally know several of them. What I see are pussies that never served and are afraid of their own shadow trying to relegate rules to the rest of us. Vagina hat wearing, dildo brandishing, sexually ambiguous cretins that think they will be safe under totalitarian communist rule… That’s the laugh of the century. Those who would give up freedom for safety will have none and deserve neither.


      1. Hey mark it’s just not worth getting in to it with bazz its pointless to get in to it with a person who thinks they know more about what they actually do.

        Kinda like the dunning Kroger effect but instead of the person thinking he or she has more of an ability then they really do this person believes they know more then they really do and you can’t and won’t change the way they think and it’s not just on this aspect but all aspects of their life.

        Just like jazz said he has a mos recommendation at meps then said he sees vets come back wacked out of our minds last I checked the VA takes care of mental illness in vets not meps. bazz has never served probably never will. I also would take a wild guess that bazz is no mental health expert but believes that anyone who doesn’t think the same as him is mentality unstable


        1. I agree Sj. I never got to serve, had medical problems at the time, but my older brother was a Green Beret and Dad was a fighter pilot. I worked for the military under civilian contract. It’s very troubling that we have so many little communist idiots now that believe they should dictate every aspect of our lives. We definitely need to fight back with every means at our disposal. I see some of these jerks calling you and other vets mentally ill and they’re too stupid to realize it’s them that are seriously bent. Thank you for your service, we true Americans appreciate it greatly.


  30. Maybe these folks who feel threatened everywhere they go are just assholes? {{SJ}}.

    I mean personally I haven’t even been in a fist fight since 5th grade, forget a gun fight.

    GEEZ.


  31. These people are whacked….. my thing is this….. if every other idiot is carrying a gun why do I need one???


    1. Don’t worry bazz, we law abiding, gun carrying citizens will make sure you don’t get your panties blown off. If you believe we’re “whacked” then you should never own a gun. You’d probably just shoot another hole in your vagina anyway. Looks like we’ve raised a couple of generations of of cowardly communist pansies. That doesn’t bode well for the land of the free and home of the brave. I think soon it’s going to be the land of the slaves and the home of the cowards.


      1. I don’t get it … you need a gun for what…to do what… to look like an ape…


    2. You need a gun because their the most effective means of self defense from criminals.


  32. https://www.kpax.com/news/2018/10/16/missoula-council-approves-expanded-gun-ordinance/


  33. https://missoulian.com/news/local/missoula-elementary-school-s-gun-safety-assembly-draws-criticism/article_01cd684e-fa2a-5f61-9bcb-52849bada956.html and that’s where it’s at…


  34. There’s a real argument if the maxim gun was first used in Afganistan or Africa….


  35. I don’t get it … you need a gun for what…to do what… to look like an ape…


  36. If humanity existed…. it would be now… think… if I put a hole in something… would it be useful… and you want a gun…


  37. I if I was shot I would grab tampon…


  38. Are you ok?


  39. This is what happens when you put a pink desert eagle in the same article as a pink dildo. You should also add a Vodka Cranberry. That would complete the trifecta. The cows would come home, the wife would stop drinking, and Sj would put up his guns.


  40. Oh but you need that gun ….got to have that gun…. I just can’t go outside without that gun….


    1. Just like you can’t go outside without your dildo. We have our guns to deter criminals from doing criminal acts. We have our guns to prevent an overreaching government from stealing all our rights and freedom. We have our guns so we can effectively fight foreign invaders should the need arise. My guess is you’re either a criminal that’s prohibited from owning a gun or a terrified communist coward that thinks everyone is out to shoot him (her,it).


      1. I live in a place with common sense gun laws… it would seem you fear gun control …


        1. I fear totalitarian communist rule. I don’t fear guns or the law abiding citizens that carry them. I carry and I see others carrying all the time. We’ve had no shootouts and very little crime. We aren’t terrified little communist vaginas, we’re real men and women that believe in freedom, the Constitution and respect each other. Something a little piss ant like you could never understand. You enjoy your gun free zones, I know the well armed criminals certainly will.


        2. What you call “common sense gun laws” are not common sense at all.


  41. The “free” Kings of Leon(WTF) concert coming up at Scissortail Park is looking more and more exciting with every post! Yee-Haw, can’t wait!


    1. Openly carrying firearms at a public music venue …. Like what these apes are going to do…. Is not allowed where I live…. common sense gun ordinances are in place….


      1. Bazz you’re a compete moron. Apes don’t carry guns, the “government” is far more dangerous than the criminals, in fact, most of them ARE criminals. I’ve posted long enough to you idiots. You absolutely do not have any “common sense”. You keep on wearing your vagina hat and waving your dildo at those flying saucers, it’s good to know we’ve got cretins like you keeping us safe.


  42. Let’s keep this going to 100 comments! Then I’m out like Sj’s Gun to haunt another post. Kings of Leon concert should be the safest place on the planet!


    1. It’s a damn shame schools aren’t the safest place on the planet!


  43. Savages …. Im going start quoting Planet of the Apes…. In hopes that you can relate….


  44. Woohoo! Let’s keep these comments going!

    Just checking to see if html tags work in this comments section.


  45. These people are in fear… If we all lived and breathed like Mark the 2nd…
    We could shoot the saucers out of the sky before they land…. and keep those foreign invaders… and the deep state…. and all those commies…. oh and all the people who choose not to carry


  46. So…we are soooo close to 100. Mainly because of constitutional carry. But we aren’t there yet. Can we push this through with some pink dildo comments? I really don’t remember the other choices of what we could carry instead of a gun. Bottle openers? What about a dildo that doubles as a bottle opener? Then you could use it to pop the caps off of bottles until midnight and then…well, you know.


  47. ” Beware the beast Man, for he is the Devil’s pawn. Alone among Gods primates, he kills for sport, or lust or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brothers land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him. Drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of death. ” Cornelius, Planet of the Apes


    1. You watch too many hollyweird movies. That little narrative applies to you and the DemonRATS as well, and the “government” most of all. You can’t apply that “logic” to some and exclude others.


      1. Mark, you are so narrow minded that this post should easily hit 100 comments. Whatcha got?


        1. Well here goes; you assholes are the narrow minded ones. You can’t leave well enough alone. I don’t give a crap if you don’t want to own or carry a gun, you can do or not do what you want because, you know, free country. But on the flipside, you commie pr–ks can’t conceive that most of us want freedom and you want to force your fascist/communism on us , the True Americans. It ain’t gonna happen. You morons will start a civil war over a few murdering bastards by vilifying all gun owners and get millions killed instead of dozens… And you’ll still lose. So there ya go asshole, that’s what I’ve got – TRUTH. It’s way more than what you’ve got.


          1. …wait for it…wait for it…wait for it…BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂

            “We’re going to start the civil war?” You’re the aggressive ignoramus who has resorted to name calling. :::Here’s a tissue:::

            One more hits 100!!!!


            1. I just call you what you are, moron, and yes, you commie androgynous f-gs are the ones starting the war. Ever since Trump got elected you’ve whined and cried, moaned and groaned because you didn’t get your communist bitch in office to finish what O’Sambo started, ruining the country. You’re the antfa and blm idiots out there attacking conservatives and destroying property like a bunch of spoiled little crybabies that you are. You commies are the instigators and the reason there will be a war. More truth and more than you have so laugh all you want, you won’t be laughing soon enough.


          2. I can see Mark putting on a gray uniform and hollering, “The south’s going to do it again!”

            Do what again? Surrender? 😂🤣😂🤣


            1. I won’t be fighting for the South, I’ll be fighting for The United States of America against communist dictatorship. Since you’re too dense to figure it out, I’m no hillbilly. I’ve worked for the military and traveled all over the U.S., Canada and Mexico. I know what freedom is and what it isn’t and it sure as hell isn’t what you Democommunists want. As far as surrendering, you communists will definitely be the ones surrendering. As I’ve said before, we don’t fight with dildos and we are trained.


          3. Wait. You worked FOR the military and traveled across North America? Knock me down and call you the patriot! I guess that I should stand corrected. Obviously that does make you trained and safe to open carry!

            You are just the person who shouldn’t be carrying a firearm. You have a short fuse and anger issues. But I bet you’ll feel tough walking around with a gun on your hip, huh? I’m sure that you will be really tough until someone pushes you down for being an idiot, and then you pull your gun and murder them. Then you’ll be in a prison cell with bubba doing you in the butt with his gun.

            😂😂😂😂😂


            1. I don’t have anger issues pussy, I just hate communists, as any real American should. I’m not going to shoot someone for pushing me or even hitting me. I hit back and I’m trained in hand to hand combat as well. Shooting someone is a last resort when my life or someone else’s life is in immanent danger. Shooting someone for minor physical infractions is what you commies do. So you see moron – yet again, truth. More than you have or can even comprehend. You idiots always think someone is violent just because they’re politically incorrect and opposed to your idiotic view of the world.


          4. Mark. Mark. Mark. There you go with name calling again. It’s like you’re trying to provoke a fight. Isn’t name calling what they do in sixth grade? And you’re trained in hand-to-hand combat? Does the Taekwondo class that you took in sixth grade really count? And what the hell is “immanent danger?” Oh! You meant “imminent danger!” You sound like a sixth grader who is trying to hang with the real men. Yup. That’s it. You have the mental capacity of an elementary student. Someone who should NOT be carrying a gun.

            And can you please clarify. Who are you calling a communist? Me, Democrats, or your MAGA president? I mean, he’s the one in Putin’s back pocket. He befriended North Korea. He is the one who invited the Taliban to Camp David the same week as 9/11.

            Your lover, Bubba, in lockup is going to love you! Someone who is proud to have worked FOR the government, but has never served; someone who is an experienced North American traveler; and someone with a grade school education. Make sure to cough the first time he gets you in your butt. I heard it helps.

            Hahahahahaha.


            1. Well, you certainly know how to twist things and lie with the best of them “real man”. I’d wager my education was far better than yours despite the improper use of one word. Purely accidental by the way. You seem to have a real obsession with prison homosexuality. Getting ready for it, or are you one of those closet homos that longs for it? I’ve noticed that you commies always try to take the moral high ground when arguing with any conservatives and yet you have none. You call me a homosexual in your little prison fantasy, I’m just more open with my name calling. I just don’t believe in political correctness, and neither do you. Now to your political rant: Trump was trying to defuse the nuclear weapons situation in North Korea without starting another war. Something no other president tried to do, including your beloved African O’Sambo. O’Sambo is also the one that was in bed with Russia. Remember “I can be more flexible after the election”? He was signalling that he would bend over for Putin then. Remember the Democommunist’s sale of American uranium to Russia spearheaded by the Clintons? There are other blatantly treasonous things your communist party has done and is still doing but I’d be wasting my time on morons. The way I served is my business. At least I did what I could and will again if need be. I’ve carried for years and never shot anyone. It’s you little terrified pansies that should never carry. When you have that much fear gripping your little black heart you’re libel to do anything. I guess in your stilted mind you don’t understand that you’re around people carrying concealed all the time. Isn’t that just terrifying?


          5. So you’re willing to wager your sixth grade education, your one long-ass paragraph, your “libel to do anything.” (hint: the word is liable. Liable to do anything) 😂😂😂 that you are more educated than me? Even someone who’s graduated junior high school knows not to take that bet. Dude, you’re a freaking idiot.

            What am I even doing talking to you? My IQ points might start dropping if I keep this up any longer. You can go now. I’m done. Buh bye.


            1. LMAO! You took the bait alright. Of course I know the difference between “libel” and “liable”. I told my friend you fancied yourself a spelling and grammar Nazi. We both have seen you communists resort to whining about spelling or grammatical errors or omissions when your communist propaganda begins to lose face to the truth. I misspelled one word and told him if you didn’t pick up anything else you’d certainly find that. We both had a good laugh over that. Well, you may be a perfect speller, you may have impeccable grammar, your syntax may be flawless, but you’re still a moron of the highest degree. Spelling and grammar do not denote intelligence. Experience, observation and attention to details in real life often add more to overall intelligence than one can find in a book. Go ahead and dig for whatever errors you can find here, it’s all you’ve got. Don’t worry too much about your IQ, aside from your incredible grammatical wizardry it’s already rock bottom.


    2. Bazz, I was wondering what Planet of the Apes quote you were referring.


  48. 100 comments! Woohoo! We did it!

    Let no one say we don’t accomplish anything here in the TLO comments section.


    1. Woot woot! I can’t leave well enough alone though.


  49. Reading back through the comments is hilarious, to think all this discussion and nobody’s been shot…. what am I gonna do with all these tampons I stole from my wife…. oh and the liberal use of emoji … I don’t think it could get any better….


  50. Mark you need get laid man….. hyper tension is a killer…. perhaps some yoga…..oh wait I know, have you tried reefer….


    1. I get laid whenever I want. My blood pressure is usually well within normal range. I don’t do drugs except for an occasional alcoholic drink. Don’t smoke either. Just amusing myself here while waiting for whatever is going to happen happens. Humans seem to have gone totally insane in the last couple of years so I’m curious what the outcome of all this insanity and stupidity will be. Of one thing I’m absolutely sure; it’s going to be catastrophic. Perhaps it’s nature’s way of controlling human overpopulation.


  51. So I’m going to hell in a bucket…. at least I’m enjoying the ride….


  52. Don” miss The Kings of Leon free concert at Scissortail Park. Those kind, tolerant, closet terrorist Muslims have been specifically invited as a gesture of The Oklahoma Standard! See you there!


  53. Come up and go hunting man, big game… some of the best in the country…. the fishing is world class… you being a vet, can access a lot of special big game tags… hunting seasons about to start


    1. Go fishing.. are the crappie biting….


  54. I would no want to be at that park or the concert…. to many people…..

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