7 Libelous Statements About Epic Charter Schools…

Earlier this week, our friends at Epic Charter Schools – the fishy online school district being investigated by multiple law enforcement agencies – filed a libel and slander lawsuit against one of their fiercest critics at the State Capitol, State Senator Ron Sharp. He’s the dandy from Shawnee who kind of looks like Commander Data’s cousin:

Sharp, a Republican, has routinely and publicly criticized the school district for its shady and possibly illegal practices that take money intended for Oklahoma classrooms and – in the form of administrative fees – transfers a portion of that money directly into the pockets of Epic’s founders.

I read the lawsuit Epic filed, and although I’m no copyright attorney who specializes in copyright law, the case seems pretty weak. It was filed by an attorney who indirectly profits from Epic, and it basically looks like Epic is using the courts to bully their critics into silence and, in the process, save a little face and rally support from their cult-worshiping followers.

You can make up your own mind by reading the lawsuit here. In the meantime, I – a well-known practitioner of satire and parody – thought it would be fun to make some libelous, totally untrue statements about the Epic Charter Schools. Hopefully they don’t sue me for them.

1. They Don’t Spend Enough On Local Advertising.

Considering public schools are A) not-for-profit centers of learning and B) always strapped for cash, it used to be a novelty to see, hear or read an advertisement for one on the radio, television, online or even in the newspaper. Epic has broken that door down like the Kool-Aid man entering a living room! Even though Epic is a public school funded by taxpayers, they for some reason spend more money on local media advertising than most car dealerships! In fact, they spend so much on advertising you’d think they have a clear profit motive to enroll new students!

2. The People Who Run The School Look Trustworthy and Reputable. 

Look at those two charming guys. If the whole for-profit…err… not-for-profit public school thing doesn’t work out, they should open a church. It’s a lucrative field, too!

3. Ghost Students Hate Epic Charter School!

Hehe. Just kidding. Ghost students love Epic! In fact, OSBI alleges that ghost students – a.k.a. students who are enrolled in the school but don’t attend, which generates even more money for Epic – helped them illegally embezzle millions in state funds. Ghost students love Epic like teachers love apples!

4. Most Epic Students Graduate On Time.

This statement is about as libelous as they come! According to The Frontier, just 40.2% of Epic’s students graduated on time last year. Compare that to the state average of 84%, and it’s no wonder Epic has to pay parents an $800 bonus to enroll their kids at the school!

5. Shia Labeouf Teaches Drama at Epic.

That’s totally false, but if he did teach, it would probably be at Epic.

6. Law Enforcement Investigations Into The School Are Baseless And Without Merit. 

Seriously, where there is a black, thick plume of smoke, there is rarely — if ever —a fire.

7. All Teachers ♥ Epic!

Some teachers love Epic, especially the ones who spend their days and nights aggressively recruiting both real and ghost students! They make bank! Sadly, some other teachers don’t like Epic so much, as they’ve sued the district, claiming they were fired for being honest about students who were not making the grade.

Anyway, I guess if you have any libelous claims about Epic, leave them in the comments.

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13 Responses

  1. One of your best…

  2. Um…one of the girls from number 4 has two belly buttons.
    Seems pretty Epic to me.

  3. Some unscrupulous characters threaten (and even file) baseless lawsuits as a strategy for keeping their critics intimidated and therefore quiet. Their on-staff attorney has a computer with waiting Word documents and can cook up a lawsuit in about 30 minutes. Meanwhile, their target has to pay an attorney to respond while he lives in dread of being financially ruined.

    Epic is a for-profit endeavor that uses a non-profit shell corporation as a front. Its owners have sucked millions of scarce dollars away from Oklahoma education in the form of management fees etc. Are we getting our money’s worth from them? I don’t know, but no one should be intimidated from looking into it.

    Some people believe that privatizing public education through less-regulated charter schools are the way to a future of excellent education. Maybe so. But never forget that the first priority of for-profit organizations is always… profit!

    That said, who let Epic into Oklahoma in the first place?

    1. Thank you Captain Obvious.

      1. Obvious to you, perhaps. Not so obvious to the fans of for-profit charter schools.

    2. Unscrupulous lawmakers let them in. When charges are eventually filed, Butch and Sundance will flee to Argentina.

      1. Don’t you have a school to Administrate “White Knight” Jim? I mean, your making 170K a year to post on the Lost Ogle, write blogs and post on Facebook Groups. BTW, when will your next failed attempt to become one of those unscrupulous lawmakers be?

        1. Easy to disparage when you’re anonymous. Send me a private message and let me know who you are.

        2. I’m guessing you’re either Shelly, David, or Ben? or maybe William?

  4. This type thing happened in the 90s except that time it was the door to door out of state health insurance companies that were raping and pillaging the citizens of the state. Bankrupted thousands with the then State Insurance Commissioner ending up in prison.
    A worthless school won’t bankrupt you at least. It’ll just leave you with a few brain dead kids who’d argue the current Impeachment situation all day long from donald’s side except they’d never even notice you using 100% “Watergate” terms to back up your own argument. “Dumb em down” if you want the donald type in power. These schools are perfect for keeping our kids in line and stupid.

  5. The responsibility for this disaster falls squarely on the infamous Oklahoma Legislature. They passed the legislation which allowed this fiasco to happen. Don’t forget our beloved governor, Mary Fallin, for her role in this.

  6. By now, most citizens of Oklahoma realize that funding EPIC is another total mismanagement of taxpayer funds in our state. What doesn’t get talked about enough is the stress and strain that public schools face when students who tried EPIC come back to the the public school system after the student’s “EPIC fail”. I work in a 2A rural school district. Most students come back in a year or less after either failing or simply not completing EPIC coursework and we have to play “catch up” in order to get those students back on track in order for them to graduate on time. Normally, the only way we can do this is put those students on an online computer program which costs the district extra money, forces teachers to grade that work on the teacer’s own time and forces the district to find proper supervision for that student during those online classes since you just can’t throw them in to any class with an extra computer. I am all for things that make sense and work. This does not apply to EPIC. Their graduation rate only a couple of years ago was 19% while Oklahoma Public School graduation rate was 91%.

  7. It’s no coincidence that their name is the first part of the phrase “Epic Fail.”

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