Attention basic cable trash TV-enthusiasts, CTE-deniers, and my dad! Former pro-football player and Matthew McConaughey supporting actor Terry Bradshaw is teaming up with the E! Network to bring you a brand-new show to fill the void between your third and fourth day-beer. And to make matters worse awesome, it’s being filmed right here in Oklahoma!
Via The Tulsa World…
Oklahoma will be the site of a new E! reality show, “The Bradshaw Bunch.”
The star of the comedic docu-series is Pro Football Hall of Famer, Emmy-winning broadcaster, actor and championship quarter horse breeder Terry Bradshaw, whose horse ranch is in Thackerville.
According to the news release, “The Bradshaw Bunch” is set to feature Bradshaw’s antics along with farm life and rural living in “real-life” Oklahoma. Well thanks for consulting with the lot of us, Terry! I don’t know about you all, but I’m a little bit nervous to see some fancy Hollywood company coming to town and making a spectacle out of our state. Just like that time mom got pissed at you for snapping a photo of her before she put her face on, you know that all these cameras are going to reveal some dirty secrets about Oklahoma, including the fact that…
We lie to the media
If you only get your information from the media, Oklahoma may seem like a back-assward, hillbilly state that is still living by cultural mores that were considered to be outdated in 1955. But those who live here know we actually live in a highly progressive, wealthy state that values and fosters both community and citizen growth through fair, sensical laws and smart spending. We just pay the local media to report lies that make us look bad in order to keep our property taxes down.
Jesus Christ is actually the third most worshiped deity in Oklahoma
Most Oklahomans worship a man who rose from obscurity to lead a nation of people through use of simplistic sayings and parables backed an ideology that is often twisted and misunderstood to the point of being unrecognizable from the source material. That man is Ronald Reagan. The second most worshiped “god” in this state is blonde haired, blue eyed white Jesus. The third is real Jesus.
Our actual state meal isn’t what you think
Yeah, the media propaganda machine WANTS you to think our state meal consists of chicken fried steak, okra, and grits. But the state meal that most accurately reflects Oklahoma culture and daily life is an order of Night Trips’ Cheesy Filled Tater Tots washed down with a Route 44 Sonic Dr. Pepper with extra “good ice.”
Gun Showers are things
When a couple is getting married or a budding family is preparing for a birth, Oklahomans realize they are no longer just looking out for themselves. This is the time in their life when gun ownership becomes more important. So, it is not uncommon for Oklahomans to throw each other “gun” showers, in which well-wishers graciously stock the arsenals with everything you need for a new gun, like ammunition and gift cards to local ranges, and play games, like “pin the shot on the silhouette” and “guess the user name in the comments section of Louis’ TLO articles.”
The panhandle is a myth
When mapping out the state, our forefathers were super worried Oklahoma would turn out to be some boring-ass shape, like Wyoming or either of the Dakotas. So, they decided to “give” our state the panhandle by drawing it up. But though it’s there on paper, the little strip of land that separates Kansas and Colorado from Texas is actually a myth. Legend has it if you attempt to visit the fictional “panhandle,” you’ll either blink and miss anything cool or get stuck there for an eternity, raise a family, and eventually die to become the next millennium’s fossil fuels.
Prove to me the panhandle is real. Then follow Hayley on twitter @squirrellygeek