10 Things We Learned From Stitt’s Coronavirus Press Conference…

Last night, I tuned into a Facebook live video conference to see what our Diner’s Club cardholding Governor is not doing to keep Oklahomans one step behind ahead of the COVID-19 pandemic. Here’s 10 things I learned…

1. The virus isn’t big enough to do anything yet

According to the press conference, “there may be a time when we have to do other things, but that time is not right now.” What I gathered from that, is our government doesn’t plan to mandate shelter-in-place or social distancing state-wide until we have enough positive COVID-19 tests to justify it. The good news is, since we can’t get any goddang tests in the first place, it looks like Governor Stitt will never have to do a damn thing.

2. Oklahoma has a “different set of facts”

Stitt said the reason Oklahoma is not mandating shelter-in-place, like New York or California, is because Oklahoma has, “a different set of facts.” Who wants to volunteer to be the one to tell Stitt that viruses aren’t afraid of guns?

3. Governors Get To Wear Fancy Official-Looking Crisis Jackets During Emergencies

Imagine that.

4. We only have 9.3 days left in our state’s personal protective equipment supply

By the time this article publishes, we will probably be down to something like 8.7 days’ worth of hospital gowns, masks, and whatever other protective gear our healthcare workers need to perform their jobs safely. Too bad Stitt’s lord and savior Donald Trump told governors last week that when it comes to medical equipment they should, “try getting it yourselves.”

5. Western Oklahoma is royally f*cked

Stitt announced that mobile COVID-19 testing sites will soon be available in Oklahoma City, Tulsa, Ponca City, and McAlester. I guess any Oklahoman living more than 10 miles west of I-35 is safe from the coronavirus. Probably because all the fried chicken gizzards we ate from gas stations as kids helped us to develop immunity.

 

6. Oklahoma is innovative

By putting responsibility on business owners to file for emergency loans to pay employees, applauding distilleries who produce and supply free hand sanitizer, and encouraging average Oklahomans to sew face masks for health care professionals, Stitt really encouraged our state to be innovative so that we may have a better chance of surviving this pandemic. Because the more innovative the average Oklahoman is, the less productive our government thinks they have to be.

7. The state has “stepped up” the number of epidemiologists

This comes meres days after the state’s lead epidemiologist was sacked at The Oklahoma State Department of Health, which wasn’t suspicious AT ALL.

8. Stitt has his priorities right

Stitt said his top four goals for Oklahoma in this pandemic are to protect Oklahomans’ lives, “mitigate the economy,” “position the state to recover,” and continue to be “a top 10 state.” So far with his lack of action taken, I think he’s wanting us to be in the “top 10 states” for coronavirus infections.

9. He doesn’t vaccinate his kids

Okay, I didn’t learn this from the video. It just popped in my brain when thinking for reason why Stitt isn’t taking this seriously.

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10. We will make it through

Governor Stitt informed viewers early on in his conference that, “Oklahomans are going to get through this.” But unfortunately, due to the lack of response by our state government, likely not all Oklahomans are going to get through this.

Hayley is going to shelter in place because that’s where her cats and snacks are. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek