5 Oklahoma legal restrictions COVID-19 proved were BS after all…

Experts, news pundits, and minion meme-sharing extended family members on Facebook alike are all claiming that our world will look very different after the COVID-19 pandemic ends. In fact, executive orders and the recently declared state of emergency have already loosened restrictions on essential services and unemployment. Though most of them are set to be temporary changes, some of the legal requirements we’ve lost wouldn’t be missed if they were never reinstated. Here are 5 Oklahoma laws COVID proved were BS after all…

Bans on Alcohol Delivery

I think a lot of people saw the ban on alcohol delivery as a way to restrict access and thus legislate morality. If anything, the ban on delivery probably led to more inebriated driving because unfortunately people often don’t want to stop the party when the booze is gone. Thankfully, my grandmother was always morally opposed to drunk driving, which is why she taught my sister and I how to drive by having us chauffeur her to the liquor store. Hopefully the ABLE Commission decides to extend the lifting of this ban beyond April 17th after they see how many fewer drunk drivers and 12-year-olds are behind the wheel.


The Over-Incarceration of Non-Violent Offenders

In an aim to contain the spread of COVID-10, over 200 non-violent offenders have been released from the Oklahoma County Jail. But don’t worry, we still have a long way to go before we lose our first place title as the state with the highest incarceration rate.


Reading Tests for Driver’s Licenses

Because the reading test was not able to be given due to school closures, kids in Oklahoma who were considered to be 8th graders this year will be exempt from the reading requirement for their driver’s license. Come on, what the problem? You don’t need no language skills to be a good driver. That’s why our traffic lights are based on colors, Google maps can be completely audio, and God gave Chevy and Dodge trucks different emblems to tell them apart.


Waiting Periods for Unemployment

Our governor recently decided to waive the waiting period for out-of-work Oklahomans to receive unemployment benefits. I’m betting it seemed really unnecessary to make vulnerable Oklahoma families stress and struggle to make ends meet…at least until the end of the pandemic. Then f*ck your feelings, I guess.


The Obligation Ability to Make Plans

I’m thinking this whole, “no group larger than 10,” “six feet of separation,” and “safer-at-home,” business is about to be adopted as my lifestyle long after these initiatives have expired. I haven’t had a bar tab or real pants on in over two weeks.

Hayley has lobster pajama pants on today. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek

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11 Responses

  1. Last paragraph alone is worth more than my $5/month subscription! Thanks, Hayley, for putting in words what I was thinking!

  2. it makes no logical sense to put people in jail for not showing up for a creditor-debtor hearing. Judges in Oklahoma are quick to jail people for “contempt of court”…. Jails should be for violent criminals.

    1. You’ll be singing a different tune when you get your identity stolen; your credit will be ruined; you’ll be out anywhere from $ 1,500 to $ 5,000 of your own dollars along with six to twelve months of frustration trying to restore your name and credit. It’ll be years, if not a decade or more until your financial life is back together.

      I bet you’ll be wishing the person that stole your identity rots in jail. I know I do.

      Identity theft is non-violent, but those bastards need to sit in jail for a very long time. Ruining someone’s livlihood is jail-worthy as far as I’m concerned.

      1. Oh look, someone living on and off stolen land taken from a people, whose identities were tortured out of them, whining about having their identity stolen. Boo boo.

        1. That’s quite an accusation. You seem to know a lot about me. And yet, you don’t. Your comment makes you sound very foolish. You sound like a wonderful person in which to have a conversation.

          I’m not going to expand on my original comment to you, Nate, because, well….you can’t argue with crazy. You clearly missed the mark the first time, so I’m choosing not to give you a second time.

  3. I’m loving this stay at home in my jammies thing too. And has anyone else noticed how polite we have become with each other? I haven’t heard so many excuse me, please and thank yous since I was a kid and manners were non-negotiable;)))

  4. This could start an unfortunate and long-lasting trend. These rules mostly affect people who we like to look at as lesser than nice Godly people like ourselves. Imagine that!

    How did our God-fearing State ever decide that liquor stores are “essential”? That ain’t right, as any good Baptist will tell you. Not to mention cannabis dispensaries!

    Delinquent debtors? Why don’t they simply pay up?

    Unemployed? All I can tell you brother is you have to wait. Meanwhile… get a job, slacker.

    The one that mystifies me is the DPS assuming that today’s eighth-graders will never learn to read at that grade level. They’re about 13 now, and have three more years to become old enough to drive… and learn to read a bit if they can’t do it now.

    Besides, why do we need literacy tests at all for driving? Isn’t there still a written test (on the law, etc.) that would suffice? And aren’t most of our road signs illustrated, like of a running deer or of kids carrying school books?

  5. Look, the last thing us retired Boomers need is competition from a bunch of broke Millennials and Gen X thru Z’s lolling about sucking up the planet’s dwindling resources. For once in our lives our meager pensions and dismal Social Security checks put us in the One Percenter category. We were minding our own business day drinking and enjoying a Camel at Riverwind when all of a sudden you youngsters had to Spring Break together and pee in the shallow end of the gene pool. Get a job delivering my Walmart groceries and help the good folks at Moore Liquor bring me my scotch and leave the idling around to professionals!

    1. Yet it was a Boomer who kept the beaches open.

  6. Yet the Florida governor was born 14 years after the last Boomer. Nice try kid.

  7. You forgot to mention curbside marijuana sales. Yup, the thing that our teachers used to show us in grade school to scare us into trying drugs (after all, they were wrong about so many other things) is allowed during the Covid-19 restrictions. We don’t even have to get out of our car and go into the store anymore.

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