Kevin Stitt wants Elon Musk to move Tesla to Oklahoma…

Sometimes, I worry that the isolation of quarantine is making me lose my grip on sanity. Then, I go online and see that everybody else in the world is losing their goddamn minds, and it’s been the only warm solace I’ve found in the last few months other than that Michael Jordan documentary and whiskey.

Kevin Stitt has always come off to me like a maniac with the smooth brain of an age-stunted junior high baseball coach, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise how he has been bungling the pandemic by leashing himself to the president and salivating at the thought of people dying in exchange for his rich friends to be able to reopen their Ski-Doo dealerships.

This last week, he tugged at a billionaire’s pant legs hoping to get fed some scraps:

I wouldn’t say letting shopping malls and salons and Kong’s Tavern open in the midst of 4,300 COVID-19 cases that aren’t dropping is ‘doing it safely, responsibly, and based on the data in our state,’ but you do you, Stitt.

The only shocking part about this is that Stitt would defy the oil overlords and encourage a company who makes electric cars to move to Oklahoma. How the hell will Chesapeake ever recover if Oklahomans all start driving Teslas with OU bumper stickers?

Anyways, Elon Musk is a clown with infinitely more money than sense, which is apparent by spending any time looking at his Twitter feed. That is the magic combination to entice a ‘let’s make government like a corporation’ type of leader like Stitt, so I’m sure their eventual Zoom meeting will be fruitful.

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18 Responses

  1. More and more Chesapeake’s natural gas is being used to generate electricity and it actually very pairs well with wind and solar production compared with the old school coal-fired plants. Electric cars and Oklahoma could work well together!

  2. I’ll bet Elon would just love to be an Okie in Musk-ogee.

    1. Elon seems more like a Tulsa guy to me.

      1. Winner, winner, chicken dinner!!

  3. I don’t think a guy like Elon Musk would have anything to do with Stitt. I could be wrong.

  4. “The business of Oklahoma is… business!” (paraphrasing Calvin Coolidge.)

    Stitt made his own fortune from a shady mortgage company, and isn’t as beholden to our oil overlords as, say, their creature Mary Fallin. Musk’s PayPal moneychanging venture more resembled Stitt’s business than it did oil. Oklahoma badly needs to diversify its economy away from cyclical mineral extraction. So Stitt and Musk? Not so crazy!

    What does Oklahoma have to offer Tesla? Lax regulation? Low taxes? Cheap non-union labor? Generous government “incentives”? Fealty to Trumpism?

    YES! Elon, come on down!

    1. And I doubt more than 5 charging stations. Suppose Kevin could get the Tribes to pay for the charging stations? Oh, and I forgot, hardly any people. Other than that we’d be perfect.

      1. You need to get out more often. There are multiple Tesla charging stations and they’re popping up at OnCue all over too.

  5. OU sticker on a Tesla, that’s a scary thought…

  6. Might it be better for Stitt to go out to California and do a pitch for the state? Guess he can’t do that because of his Executive Order banning state funded travel to California.

    I hope Elon follows Governor Jethro on Twitter, or he might miss that wonderful pitch.

    1. Thanks for the reminder Former Okie. I’d forgotten all about this in the daily news grind. Funny how fast Mr. Big is willing to drop panties when there’s money out there.

  7. Dear Elon:

    My name is Kevin. I am the governor of Oklahoma, which a state above Texas but below Kansas. Also, our state is shaped like a pan, did you know that? HA! HA! It looks funny on a map.

    Anyhow, somebody told me you have a company that makes cars, and the car is named after the heavy metal rock group Tesla! That is so cool! In Oklahoma, we like to bang heads. Do you have long hair, like the guys in Tesla? If so, that is OK.

    But also I heard you have a lot of money, and so that is why I am writing you. Maybe you could move your company to Oklahoma! It would be great! And then for the grand opening, we could invite the band Tesla to play, and it would be a big party! Plus if you contribute money to my re-election campaign, I will let you rename Oklahoma! You could call it ElonLand! Or something like that. I would let you pick the name.

    Oh, also, do you have a church you go to? We have lots of churches for you to choose from when you move here. Anyhow, please write me back.

    Your pal, Kevin

  8. Musk is eccentric, not stupid. Leave the Bay Area for Davenport, Stroud or Bristow? Even Elon can’t smoke that much dope.

  9. I’m surprised no one mentioned Elon’s twitter feud with Ken Jennings.

  10. Perfect state for a Tesla electric pickup truck mfg plant. Still not sure how the OU sticker would look on the thing.

  11. If Elon Musk has any common sense, he will avoid Okieland like the plague.

  12. The percent chance that Tesla is coming to Oklahoma is the same as Stitt becoming serious about the coronavirus ZERO !!!!!!

    1. Care to re-evaluate those chances? OK, they are using Oklahoma and Texas as leverage against California, but good news for Oklahoma to make a short list, some publicity about this may actually be good for getting consideration from other companies. Imagine!!! (ha,ha yes, it actually works this time).

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