The TLO Visitor’s Guide to Tulsa: MAGA Edition

This weekend, Oklahoma’s second city, Tulsa, will be overflowing with visitors from all over the state and surrounding areas to hear the words of the great healer of this heartbroken nation, Donald Trump, at his first sold-out rally in months at the BOK Center—that is, as long as the leftists don’t get it shut down due to piddling flu concerns.

And while that Make America Great Again rally will only take up a few hours of your precious time, there’s still so much to see and do in T-town before and after to satiate that red, white and blue blood as it rushes to your unused pelvis. So we here at TLO have put together a little visitor’s guide that specifically meets your presumably pro-America cultural standards during your stay in Tulsa.


The Gathering Place / 2650 S. John Williams Way

Sadly dubbed “A Park for Everyone,” the so-called “Karens” in your party should keep their cell-phones at the ready as Tulsans from all over come to the Gathering Place for attractions like their ONEOK Boathouse, QuikTrip Great Lawn and Chapman Adventure Playground. But don’t worry: while guns are technically not allowed at the Place, the police refuse to arrest you if you bring one in! Thanks, Oklahoma Second Amendment Association, for standing up for our freedoms.


Oral Roberts University / 7777 S. Lewis Ave.

Well before God “called him home,” famed evangelist Oral Roberts made sure that Tulsans would be forever blessed by the Holy Spirit by erecting this accredited college here; stop by and kneel before the famous set of hands in prayer that sits outside the main entrance. While you’re at it, remember to pray for President Trump as the black and homosexual agenda try to disrupt this rally in the name of the Enemy.


Broken Arrow / Broken Arrow

If you accidentally get exposed to socialism or liberalism while in Tulsa, head to beautiful Broken Arrow – a suburban conservative oasis on Tulsa’s southwest side – for a deep cleanse. Ranked by Wallet Hub as one of the Most Bat Shit Crazy Suburbs in America, the city will zap you of any compassion and make sure you hate people who look different than you.

Queenie’s Plus Bakery and Diner / 1834 Utica Square

Sadly, Queenie’s Plus it’s not a dress-shop for the zaftig lady in your life but, after downing a few of their famously authentic desserts such as the Mt. St. Helens cake, Rich’s Chocolate Pie or any one of hand-made cookies, you’ll almost wish it was. So stop by this Tulsa landmark for breakfast, lunch or dinner—try the egg salad sandwich—to keep up your royal strength whether it’s waiting in line to get in or taunting protestors that are standing outside.


Woody Guthrie Center / 102 E. Brady St.

Before Antifa and all those other anarchist ideals of the past, there was songsmith Woody Guthrie and his anti-dustbowl propaganda that made him the one of the biggest Oklahoma celebs of the thirties and forties. This Tulsa-based attraction was founded in 2013 to help remember the Marxist troubadour’s life and his treasonous works like “Old Man Trump,” hopefully so we don’t repeat them.

St. Francis Hospital / 6161 S. Yale Ave.

If at any time during the rally you begin to feel flu-like symptoms such as fever, dry cough or tiredness, make sure to visit Tulsa’s best hospital, rated number one by the editors of U.S. News and World Report. With plenty of Clorox and UV light on hand, they’ll get you feeling better and on your way in no time to keep making America great.


Follow Louis on Twitter at @LouisFowler and Instagram at @louisfowler78

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38 Responses

  1. 🎶Oklacovid! Where the plague comes sweeping down the plain. Where the lack of masks are thought of last, as the gov’nor surely is insane. 🎵

    🎶Oklacovid! Every night Trump tweets all the freaking time. And he wants lawsuits, to go away, killing Tulsa dupes who’ll vote his way!🎵

    🎶We knowTrump belongs to a gang, and the gang he belongs to is bad! And when we say
    Yeow! A-YIP-I-O-EE-AY🎵

    🎵Were only say-in “you’re doing fine Oklacovid,”
    Oklacovid, O-K-L-A-C-O-V-ID, OKLACOVID! YAH!🎶

    1. Bravo

    2. A+++

      Would sing again.

  2. I would like to point out, St. John’s is the hospital in Tulsa mostly focused on COVID cases 🙁

    1. That may be, but St John’s is closer to my home and where I go to the gym. Plus, my trump supporting ex-wife works at St Francis so please send the COVID patients her direction and not mine.

  3. If Oklahomans were serious about flattening the COVID curve, we would welcome the rally. Pack Trump, Pence, and 20,000 science-denying MAGA yokels into the BOK Center….then lock the doors. We would then see the biggest surge in Oklahoma’s relevance since 1907.

  4. A couple of corrections, if I may:

    The fair suburb of Broken Arrow is located on Tulsa’s southEAST side, not its southwest side. It would be tragic if Trump-loving out-of-towners fell into the Arkansas River and were swept away, or wandered into the equally progressive suburb of Jenks by mistake.

    The street on which the Woody Guthrie Center is located is now named Reconciliation Way – as of about one year ago. The former Brady Street was originally named after Tate Brady, a Tulsa founding father, fan of the Lost Cause of the Confederacy, KKK member and notorious racist believed to have been an active participant in the Tulsa Race Massacre of 1921.

    In about 2013, the original name of Brady Street was changed to Mathew (sic) B. Brady street. That gentleman was a Civil War era photographer who, among other work, took familiar portraits of Abraham Lincoln. M.B. Brady had no connection to Tulsa or Oklahoma. Meh.

    The district that includes the Woody Guthrie Center was once called the “Brady District.” It is now known as the Tulsa Arts District. The 1914 former Tulsa municipal auditorium, now privately owned and known today as the Brady Theater, will soon change its name to… Tulsa Theater.

    Several years ago, Tulsa’s Robert E. Lee elementary school became… Lee school. Meh.

    See how progressive Tulsa is? It has been well ahead of the recent popular trend to stop honoring racists and 19th Century traitors with place names.

    1. I think Tulsa invented “Actually,…”, better known as “Tul-splaining”.

      Example: “Actually, we here in Tulsa have the finest collection of renamed racist streets and buildings in all of the mid-west.”

      1. Ah, Mike, you can try, but you can’t nudge Oklahoma out of the South.

    2. Lee is now Council Oak Elementary after the historic Creek nation council oak tree nearby.

    3. Thanks. That was interesting. Watched many a good concert at the Brady Theater. We don’t take the time to learn our history.

  5. Don’t forget the Bob Dylan Archive at the University of Tulsa.

  6. The protests I’ve attended have been:
    1. held outside and
    2. attended by people wearing masks and trying to keep their distance.

    Both of these dramatically lower the risk of infection. But I doubt Trump supporters would be up for such common-sense precautions.

    1. You feel there is a parallel in urgency between protesting racial injustice and Trump needing his ego stroked by the uneducated?

      1. Here are some actual facts about outside protests and coronavirus spread. Oh, and BTW, you’re a complete dick for suggesting that all protesters are vandals, so fuck you.

      2. Enjoy the rally. Maybe dear leader will even wink in your direction after awkwardly using two hands to take a sip of water. Wouldn’t that be a thrill?

    2. It’s going to be great. All our dignitary politicians locked into a skybox to separate them from the hordes being pushed and prodded through the COVID CORAL for 4 hours and a chance to hear outright lie # 20,000 from don the con and his grifter crew.
      Then out the door go the cult to creep back across the central USA to spread the COVID to young and old alike. See, the right doesn’t discriminate.

    3. As I said, at the protests *I have been to* almost everyone was wearing a mask. This is lived experience, not conjecture.

  7. The Dept of Health is 5 hours late posting the daily COVID numbers. Do you think the numbers have to go through the Trump communications department before they go public?

    1. His admin wouldn’t let these numbers get out if they had to go through them. Fastest growing state in the nation, yay, we’re #1, we’re #1!

      1. Didn’t you really know our Republican leadership would not rest till we at least entered the top 5?
        It appears to be the goal of our GOP to be at the top of everything bad and the bottom of everything good in this country. Why do we pay these people?
        Aren’t there homeless people who would run the state just simply for 3 squares and a roof over their head? We couldn’t possibly do worse and look at the savings?

  8. As I understand it, it’s no longer Make America Great but KEEP America Great. Which of course means he’s accomplished his main objective in less than 4 years by making us great. Now, we don’t want to lose that momentum so y’all just all get together, don’t wear masks and don’t keep at least 6′ apart, and let Darwin do his work.

  9. Over 450 new covid cases reported today. Meanwhile, Stitt just said that he knew there would be a spike, but that most are young and showing no symptoms. And covid is dying out?????????

    1. What, me worry? Go hit the Covid Coral for some uplifting thoughts about most anything White then off to a nearby Biker Bar and in Tulsa I’m not talking about motorcycles, to sock down some carrot juice and vodka then maybe wonder over to the Brady Theater to catch a local punk rock band.
      Then the long drive back to the home of your making to get busy spreading that pesky virus to your friends, neighbors, and family.
      Only in America under don the con.

  10. Tulsa would normally welcome people, but not this weekend. Especially orange-tinted people


  12. Why drag Queenie’s into this? Are they terrible people or something?

    Please say they aren’t terrible people. Terrible people wouldn’t make that pimento cheese.

    1. drag Queenies are people too-sorry i couldn’t resist

      1. Post of the day!

    2. In all seriousness, the folks at Queenie’s are great people. The best! And their products are the best too. (I started to type “to die for” but under the circumstances this weekend, that seemed like exactly the wrong message.)

  13. There has already been assault here at the BOK center as reported by the local news. I fear it is but the tip of the iceberg.

  14. My unofficial post-2016 election assessment showed it to be a tossup between Oklahoma and Idaho as being the reddest state in the Union. This means that Trump has enough “human capital stock” (his economic adviser’s term) here so that he can afford to lose a few of them, or more than a few, to COVID-19 and still maintain his majority. Doesn’t do the rest of us much good though I guess Terry in the Rio Grande Valley can give us lyrics to “Ego Tripper” based on the old Beatles’ song.

    1. Hillary won two of Idaho’s 44 counties in 2016. Trump won all 77 of Oklahoma’s counties – a sweep!

      We’re Number One!

    2. A talented lyricist might also give a try to the perennial Christmas tune “Donald Trump is coming to town.”

  15. Trump team & Fox will simply put it out there that all attendees with COVID post rally caught it from counter-protesters, ANTIFA & the guy they bought cigarettes & beer from and supporters will buy it. Nothing to see here.

  16. There were lots of concerns about protests during coronavirus, and we were pretty much resigned to the fact that we will see a spike in cases following it. Lot’s of people did wear masks, which helps, but a lot of the spike has to do with places re-opening and people believing that the risk is over and not distancing/wearing masks. I see a lot fewer people wearing masks if I do have to venture out than I did a month ago.

  17. Dying from COVID on Tulsa time!

  18. No grifitti , no arson, no looting, gee these must be normal people.

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