The TLO Visitor’s Guide to Tulsa: MAGA Edition

This weekend, Oklahoma’s second city, Tulsa, will be overflowing with visitors from all over the state and surrounding areas to hear the words of the great healer of this heartbroken nation, Donald Trump, at his first sold-out rally in months at the BOK Center—that is, as long as the leftists don’t get it shut down due to piddling flu concerns.

And while that Make America Great Again rally will only take up a few hours of your precious time, there’s still so much to see and do in T-town before and after to satiate that red, white and blue blood as it rushes to your unused pelvis. So we here at TLO have put together a little visitor’s guide that specifically meets your presumably pro-America cultural standards during your stay in Tulsa.

_

The Gathering Place / 2650 S. John Williams Way

Sadly dubbed “A Park for Everyone,” the so-called “Karens” in your party should keep their cell-phones at the ready as Tulsans from all over come to the Gathering Place for attractions like their ONEOK Boathouse, QuikTrip Great Lawn and Chapman Adventure Playground. But don’t worry: while guns are technically not allowed at the Place, the police refuse to arrest you if you bring one in! Thanks, Oklahoma Second Amendment Association, for standing up for our freedoms.

_

Oral Roberts University / 7777 S. Lewis Ave.

Well before God “called him home,” famed evangelist Oral Roberts made sure that Tulsans would be forever blessed by the Holy Spirit by erecting this accredited college here; stop by and kneel before the famous set of hands in prayer that sits outside the main entrance. While you’re at it, remember to pray for President Trump as the black and homosexual agenda try to disrupt this rally in the name of the Enemy.

_

Broken Arrow / Broken Arrow

If you accidentally get exposed to socialism or liberalism while in Tulsa, head to beautiful Broken Arrow – a suburban conservative oasis on Tulsa’s southwest side – for a deep cleanse. Ranked by Wallet Hub as one of the Most Bat Shit Crazy Suburbs in America, the city will zap you of any compassion and make sure you hate people who look different than you.

Queenie’s Plus Bakery and Diner / 1834 Utica Square

Sadly, Queenie’s Plus it’s not a dress-shop for the zaftig lady in your life but, after downing a few of their famously authentic desserts such as the Mt. St. Helens cake, Rich’s Chocolate Pie or any one of hand-made cookies, you’ll almost wish it was. So stop by this Tulsa landmark for breakfast, lunch or dinner—try the egg salad sandwich—to keep up your royal strength whether it’s waiting in line to get in or taunting protestors that are standing outside.

_

Woody Guthrie Center / 102 E. Brady St.

Before Antifa and all those other anarchist ideals of the past, there was songsmith Woody Guthrie and his anti-dustbowl propaganda that made him the one of the biggest Oklahoma celebs of the thirties and forties. This Tulsa-based attraction was founded in 2013 to help remember the Marxist troubadour’s life and his treasonous works like “Old Man Trump,” hopefully so we don’t repeat them.

St. Francis Hospital / 6161 S. Yale Ave.

If at any time during the rally you begin to feel flu-like symptoms such as fever, dry cough or tiredness, make sure to visit Tulsa’s best hospital, rated number one by the editors of U.S. News and World Report. With plenty of Clorox and UV light on hand, they’ll get you feeling better and on your way in no time to keep making America great.

_

Follow Louis on Twitter at @LouisFowler and Instagram at @louisfowler78