Sad news, my friends! Last week it was announced that Tulsa creating a false idol of Elon Musk by painting the bajillionaire’s face on the Giant Golden Driller wasn’t enough to lure Tesla to establish itself in the city. While many Oklahomans are disappointed at the loss of potential job opportunities, I say don’t give up hope yet! In fact, here are 7 other businesses we should try to bring to Oklahoma!
Joel Osteens’ Ministries
Sure, Oklahoma worshippers need another mega-church congregation like we need another 4 years of Stitt in office, but did you see all the jobs, and tax-free revenue, Life Church generates for the state? We’d be foolish not to try to lure the shareholders of another profitable
corporation non-profit to Oklahoma. I would tithe big money to witness a turf war waged between Joel Osteen and Craig Groeschel.
I know that generally the last thing you want to do in pyramid schemes is cut out the middle man. But if Young Living were to make Oklahoma their headquarters instead of Utah, middle aged moms across the metro would save an average of $47 monthly in interstate shipping charges.
As evidenced by the dozens of Trump 2016 bumper stickers lining trucks outside of the Hinton Casino last time I went out west, there’s already a market for a Trump Casino/Resort in this state. Oklahoma’s population may be less concentrated than places like New Jersey or New York, but we at least have a high enough concentration of Trump supporters/gamblers to keep the businessman from filing his 5th bankruptcy.
Oklahomans across the metro lost their ever-loving marbles a couple of years ago when someone put up a fake “Coming Soon” sign for an In-N-Out Burger joint on NW Expressway. I’m all for the west coast chain opening up shop in our state. Who knows? Maybe a stiffer competition will force Braums to put their 1/3rd pound combos back on the menu.
I mean, you can’t make Foss Lake any worse. Might as well spruce it up with a few complimentary margarita machines and some dude with a limbo stick.
In April, Florida’s Governor Ron DeSantis declared professional wrestling to be an “essential service,” allowing WWE to continue operations and live shows as long as fans were not permitted in the arena. Being that our esteemed state leaders welcomed a theoretically massive presidential campaign event to our state, I would place my novelty WWE World Championship Belt on the line and bet Stitt would let Vince McMahon sell tickets to Monday Night Raw if he were to move it to the Chesapeake Arena.
Bo “The Bandit” Darville’s Booze Delivery
Being that alcohol delivery is legal in Oklahoma nowadays, “The Bandit” would make a killing hauling sauce across the state. I wonder how many cases of Anthem’s Arjuna he could fit in the Trans Am?
Hayley knows Burt Reynolds is dead. Third Street in Elk City had a billboard tribute to his life the week after he died in 2018. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek