Last week, KFOR’s Peyton Yager broke the incredibly clickable story about an Enid woman named Emily Ownings who tried to convince a police officer to let her go home and take a shit during a traffic stop that eventually led to a brief police chase and arrest.
Emily did this because:
A) She had a warrant out for her arrest
B) She had meth in her car
C) When you gotta go, you gotta go
The story has since gone viral on the web. It’s been picked up by most major news outlets who, like us, love to exploit and laugh at the embarrassing exploits of dumb criminals with substance abuse issues. Before we get to that, let’s take a second look of video of the arrest from TMZ:
Wow! Talk about a shitty way to celebrate your 28th birthday! If only she would have had a Braum’s bag on the floorboard – then the cop would have bought her excuse with no questions asked!
I think my favorite part of the video took place when Emily was being rushed to the cop car. She asked:
“Can I poop in your car, man?”
Yikes! And you thought it was uncomfortable to poop at your new boyfriend or girlfriend’s house for the first time! Imagine how awkward it must be to do it while in handcuffs in the backseat of a car while a cop watches you in the rearview mirror?
Also, I know we’re critical of bad cops, police violence, and authoritarian law and order ideologies on this website, but kudos to these brave Enid cops for handling this situation the right way. I hope they wore extra-strength gloves and no one had a Jules Winnfield-style meltdown while cleaning the backseat:
“You’re ready to blow? Well I’m a mushroom-cloud-layin‘ motherf-cker, mothef-cker! Every time my fingers touch shit… I’m “GUNS OF NAVARONE.” In fact, what the f-ck am I doin‘ in the back? You’re the motherf-cker who should be on poop detail! We’re switching! I’m washing the windows, you’re cleaning up this methhead’s shit.”
All that being said, I can’t help but feel a bit sorry for Emily on this whole ordeal. Not only is she dealing with substance abuse issues and about to be fed to the Oklahoma criminal justice system, but now she has to deal with media shame and humiliation all because she had to go poop. Basically, her name is ruined and reputation tarnished all because nature called. She should file a defecation lawsuit against KFOR immediately.
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