Last week, KFOR’s Peyton Yager broke the incredibly clickable story about an Enid woman named Emily Ownings who tried to convince a police officer to let her go home and take a shit during a traffic stop that eventually led to a brief police chase and arrest.
Emily did this because:
A) She had a warrant out for her arrest
B) She had meth in her car
C) When you gotta go, you gotta go
The story has since gone viral on the web. It’s been picked up by most major news outlets who, like us, love to exploit and laugh at the embarrassing exploits of dumb criminals with substance abuse issues. Before we get to that, let’s take a second look of video of the arrest from TMZ:
Wow! Talk about a shitty way to celebrate your 28th birthday! If only she would have had a Braum’s bag on the floorboard – then the cop would have bought her excuse with no questions asked!
I think my favorite part of the video took place when Emily was being rushed to the cop car. She asked:
“Can I poop in your car, man?”
Yikes! And you thought it was uncomfortable to poop at your new boyfriend or girlfriend’s house for the first time! Imagine how awkward it must be to do it while in handcuffs in the backseat of a car while a cop watches you in the rearview mirror?
Also, I know we’re critical of bad cops, police violence, and authoritarian law and order ideologies on this website, but kudos to these brave Enid cops for handling this situation the right way. I hope they wore extra-strength gloves and no one had a Jules Winnfield-style meltdown while cleaning the backseat:
“You’re ready to blow? Well I’m a mushroom-cloud-layin‘ motherf-cker, mothef-cker! Every time my fingers touch shit… I’m “GUNS OF NAVARONE.” In fact, what the f-ck am I doin‘ in the back? You’re the motherf-cker who should be on poop detail! We’re switching! I’m washing the windows, you’re cleaning up this methhead’s shit.”
All that being said, I can’t help but feel a bit sorry for Emily on this whole ordeal. Not only is she dealing with substance abuse issues and about to be fed to the Oklahoma criminal justice system, but now she has to deal with media shame and humiliation all because she had to go poop. Basically, her name is ruined and reputation tarnished all because nature called. She should file a defecation lawsuit against KFOR immediately.
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If you like terrible jokes like that one, become a Lost Ogle member today.
Honestly, I’ve had similar concerns in the past. What if you really did have to go?
I don’t know about you but when I’m prairie doggin’ I’ll break the law trying to get home. But seriously, picking your nose while talking shit to the cop?
Why am I not surprised this all took place while she was driving an F-150 pickup?
I feel badly for Emily too.
We don’t know why her license is suspended or what her outstanding warrants are for, but she made her problems way worse when she fled from the cop. Not smart.
Now they’re gonna lock her up for God knows how long, taking her place among so many other Oklahoma incarcerated females. That’ll teach her!
Maybe Emily does have a substance abuse problem, but the TMZ article says nothing about meth in the car. It does mention Emily being charged with “possession of drug paraphernalia.” What does that even mean? Is that still a crime on its own? I thought it was only bullshit that they tack on if they catch someone with an illegal substance – like cigarette papers with grass.
Respect to the arresting officer for how he handled this. I have watched way too many videos recently of asshole bully cops acting VERY unprofessionally. Nice to see a cop doing his job right – they usually aren’t in videos that go viral.
Why do I get the feeling that if she was s Black Man she would be dead right now?
Sad… but true.
Or a giant rabid squirrel,…
Even I would shoot a giant rabid squirrel if it was driving a car and shitting all over the place.
Exactly. How many time would a black person have been shot as soon as the motion to start the car happened?
OK, but who among has NOT had too much meth, then gotten pulled over by the cops right when we were heading home to hit the litter box? Huh?
I mean, all of us have experienced this at least monthly, am I right?
If she’s THAT full of it, she needs to be a GOP candidate for the legislature come November.
It’ll eventually come out that she’s a shit-diggin’ GOP operative.
As usual, Oklahoma makes international news for all of the wrong reasons.
Scat-ological reasons?
(Yeah, I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel for poo jokes.)
Many years from now, perhaps she and her family will be able to look back on this rough patch in her life and laugh.
Her grandkids will probably tell you, “Oh, I just love Granny and her self-dedicating humor!”
Don’t you mean her self-defecating humor?
Well yeah, but the combination of overly intrusive autocorrect and the lack of an option to edit posts on this fine site was only making my cranky, so I decided to just let it go.
(Besides, I really really had to poop.)
I live in Enid.
Not surprised this happened.
But I am shocked – Shocked! – that we didn’t go to school together.
i think she knew them cops theyre probley related. She said love you guys and threw that truck into gear and berned rubber. this looks like a madeup deal
I live in Enid and this doesn’t surprise me, typical Enid loser. It also would not surprise me if she is not a member of Enid freedom fighters, the local group of covid deniers and anti maskers.