Did Brian Maughan destroy his own campaign signs?

Last week, Oklahoma County Commissioner Brian Maughan – the Red Lobster fanboy who, just like Lacey Lett, owns a burgandy OCCC Alumni Hall of Fame blazer – sent a postcard to every voter in his district seeking help in finding the “thugs” who were allegedly vandalizing the obnoxiously huge campaign signs he hammers into any available green space around town.

Rollin’ Nolan with The Oklahoman quickly filed this report that – despite his paper’s own apology for using “thugs” to describe protestors in an editorial – didn’t acknowledge, or even attempt to explain, why Maughan – an elected official who oversees our country government operations – used the racially-charged word to describe the vandals who destroyed his signs.

Via The Oklahoman_:

In an unusual move, Oklahoma County Commissioner Brian Maughan sent a postcard to every voter in his district last week offering a reward for the identity of the vandals slashing his campaign signs.

“There’s no place in our system for political thuggery!” his postcard states.

He also reported the vandalism to police…

Before we continue, let’s give Brian credit for manufacturing attention for his campaign. From County Commissioner to US President, name recognition is a highly-important thing to have in politics, and this blatant attempt to get publicity will help boost his profile a tad, and maybe help people forget about the genuinely terrible job he’s done as a County Commissioner.

In addition to that, the use of the word “Thugs” to describe the vandals will really boost Maughan’s popularity with the politically incorrect, stick-it-to-the-libs, racist crowd out there! They’re still a coveted voting block in Oklahoma County and love nothing more than supporting politicians who use language and rhetoric that a good chunk of the people in blue and purple America considers derogatory and racist.

Here are the postcards in case you want to check them out:

According to Maughan, the vandalism stopped after the postcards went out. That makes sense. I know if I was an elected official sneaking out at night to destroy my own campaign signs as part of a plan to generate publicity for myself, I’d also stop after I mailed a postcard to thousands of people offering a $1,000 reward for help in identifying the “thugs” who did it. Seriously, the last thing you’d want in that situation is to get caught in that act by a bounty hunter from Canadian County who’s part of Sherrif West’s posse! That would be awkward!

Okay, I’m just (kind of) joking around, but this whole thing has got me thinking which “thug,” did this? Here are some logical guesses:

Brian Maughan

Who has the most to gain from this controversy? How about the guy who helped manufacture it! Seriously, you don’t have to be a professional gumshoe to realize that the smeller here is probably the feller.

Spencer Hicks

Obviously, Maughan’s opponent in the race – famed Lost Ogle contributor Spencer Hicks – would be a likely suspect. Just look at the contempt on Spencer’s face as a professional photographer snaps a pic of me and my long finger for a magazine article.

Yeah, he obviously has some issues with jealousy. I could smell his ginger hair burn from all the hot rage building up in his body.

Then again, I couldn’t really see Spencer doing something as low as vandalizing an opponent’s campaign sign. For one, he’s not very brave. Two, he’s actually really nice. Three, he’s been hard at work campaigning and trying to memorize the names and locations of all of Oklahoma County’s roads.

Waylon Orbinson

10 years ago – a simpler time in the world before Internet dating involved swiping and Brian Maughan didn’t have hair – we were alerted to his Match.com profile. In addition to his obsession with Red Lobster, among the many disturbing things we uncovered was that Brian used the online dating alias Waylon Orbison. Perhaps it’s this alter-ego that is out doing Maughan’s dirty work while the county sleeps?

Red Lobster Server

On that note, I guess it could be a vengeful Red Lobster server who thinks Maughan’s a shit tipper: “I gave that man six extra cheddar biscuits with his takeout and he only tipped me $2! The signs are coming down!!!”

Angry Motorist

Hey, maybe people wouldn’t be knocking down Maughan’s signs if they weren’t the size of small billboards and uniquely position to block the views of motorists.

Anyway, those are some of our guesses. If you have any, leave us a comment.

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11 Responses

  1. Angry motorist sounds right. Pols whose signs block drivers’ views should be disqualified from office. Hope he loses.

    Realistically, there is no way that an incumbent Republican commissioner in Oklahoma County doesn’t win the general election by a 2-1 margin unless he fails the “dead girl / live boy” test. Then his odds drop to 50-50.

  2. I realize that these signs are on private property with the “permission” of the owner of the land. Perhaps it was paid permission, so not necessarily a supporter, but still legal to be there.

    On the other hand what about all the illegally placed signs on public land. Are they fair game to vandalize? Seems that if the candidate feels entitled to put one of those signs out on public land, between the sidewalk and the street, another member of the same public should also feel entitled to remove it, or do whatever to it they want to do to it. Sort of like anyone can remove litter from the street without fear of prosecution.

    Second point Patrick, you wrote “…and maybe help people forget about the genuinely terrible job he’s done as a County Commissioner.” Seriously, is there any current Oklahoma County Commissioner who has done a good job? Maybe a good job for their private business, or for their contributors, but to the public at large?

  3. Guessing it was one of his underpaid teenage gay escorts…Ralph shorty learned “stiffing” those boys isn’t a good idea! He shoulda put one up outside his room at motel 6 then he could stake it out during his afternoon delight and see which one of those disgruntled boyfriends is tearing them down.Problem solved 2 birds with 1 stone, send that 1k ASAP!!

    1. What version of “stiffing” are you referring to? Oklahoma version or the Webster’s Dictionary version?

  4. Can anyone explains why each county needs THREE commissioners? Maybe if we reduced the staffing to one commissioner we’d save enough money to fill a few potholes, repair a bridge or buy a nicer truck for the crews to nap in.

  5. OCCC Alumni Hall of Fame? No offense to anyone who went to good old SOCJC. Did some time there in 1980 before OU. However, this guy has assistant pro written all over him. I am terribly nostalgic about my first 40 years in the OKC area, but don’t miss being around these Chads at all. Corndog time…oh and there is three ’cause there is that much graft to be had, see County Commissioners scandal 1980’s.

  6. It’s burgundy Patrick. Do you not have a spell check feature on your computer somewhere?

    1. Grammarly didn’t flag it!

  7. This is the assclown that is a puppet for Kevin Calvey and the Jail Trust that also thought it was a good idea to vote against putting Sunday sales at liquor sales

    1. *liquor stores. I hate auto-correct

  8. Maybe it was an OGE customer who has been without power since Tuesday, and is taking it out on the people that regulate OGE. But why should any infrastructure be any good that is regulated by the state. A new idiot at the corporation commission can’t be any worse than any of the current idiots elected.

    Am guessing Brian’s power is up and running just fine.

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