7 Cyber Monday Deals for the TLO Reader…

Happy Cyber Monday, ya’ll! For many of us, the pandemic may have put a damper on holiday travel plans and in-person Black Friday door-busters this year. But unless your McAfee anti-virus program is out-of-date, no virus can stand in the way of Oklahomans browsing through an online store. In fact, here are 7 Cyber Monday deals for your favorite Oklahoman!

1. Oil Painting of the Bricktown Canal

For just four easy payments of $62.50, you too can gift an oil painting of the Bricktown Canal this holiday season. This gift is perfect for the special woman in your life whose last night of freedom was spent projectile vomiting into the greenish waters of the canal during her bachelorette party or Steve Lackmeyer.

2. Griffin’s Wild Elderberry Jelly

You may call me crazy. But when put up against a novelty trout bottle opener, a holiday-scented Yankee candle, and two lottery tickets, a jar of Griffin’s Wild Elderberry Jelly will be the hottest gift in the Dirty Santa exchange.

3. Gift Card to Patricia’s

Just because Christmas comes once per year, it doesn’t mean your loved ones have to…

4. Steven Adams Thunder Jersey

Right now on the NBA official website, these jerseys are like 30% off for some reason. Just say you bought their gift months ago, so they have no indication of your frugality.

5. COVID-19 Rapid Test Appointment

Much like the TurboMan action figure Arnold Schwarzenegger was chasing in the 1996 classic, “Jingle All the Way,” COVID-19 rapid tests are the most sought-after and elusive gift you can give your loved one this holiday season. And based on our skyrocketing COVID-19 rate, these easily-made-online appointments are probably the most needed, too.

6. Cameo from Jesse Jane

For only $25 you can request Oklahoma’s very own Jesse Jane to send your loved one a personalized message via Cameo. Talk about getting someone a wet dream gift.

7. TLO Membership

The TLO archive is full of gems. For $5 you can get a loved one endless access to the TLO archive for an entire month. Hell, for only $19.99, not only do you get archive access and a collectible pin, but you also get a whole-ass certificate acknowledging partial-ass ownership of TLO founder Patrick’s soul. Just try to find a cheaper soul this Cyber Monday.

Hayley wants nothing but Thai Delight gift certificates for Christmas. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek and become a contributing member of TLO here.

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5 Responses

  1. I understand the hottest selling Thunder jersey is the one with no number on the front and “Who the fuck is this guy?” on the back

  2. ::: a whole-ass certificate acknowledging partial-ass ownership of TLO founder Patrick’s soul:::

    OK, but no cheating…like a quick switcheroo on the certificate where it says “sole” instead of “soul,” or any of that other flim-flam nonsensicalness.

    Also, I should like clarification on exactly HOW MUCH of his soul I’d be owning, and WHAT PART of said soul? And what duties do I and the other partial owners have, and what are our responsibilities to each other and the general public?

    Also, if I am not satisfied with Patrick’s soul, may I exchange it for part of Louis’ soul instead?

    My business manager awaits your prompt response, and then we shall go from there.

    1. Do atheists have souls?
      Seems like a scam to me.

  3. A Steven Adams jersey would make a nice compliment to someone’s set of jerseys from other former Thunder all-stars framed on the wall of their den: Russell Westbrook, Kevin Durant, James Harden…

    Does Patrick’s soul come with clear title? I heard that it already has a lien attached to it.

    1. Nah, just a lean to the left.

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