I don’t know about y’all, but I’m not sick (no pun intended) of talking about the pandemic yet. It’s fun living in a hellscape where we’ve been seeing people get seriously ill, die, and pile up by the hundreds of thousands!
As you’ve surely heard, Kevin Stitt has announced that tomorrow, December 3rd, will be a day of prayer and fasting across the state for people affected by the Coronavirus pandemic. As our obesity rankings show, fasting may be a new concept to many Oklahomans, so I thought I’d share some tips on how to get through it and not cheat…
Sample every drink from Sonic
I’m honestly not sure what the rules are for fasting, but you’re allowed to drink sugar water, right? If so, stop by Sonic for Happy Hour and start with the Water-family of slushes (Ocean, Swamp, etc) and then transition to Limeades before finally going with traditional soft drinks with vanilla flavoring. When you’re done, leave the the carhop whatever change is in your cupholder, and then just drive away to vomit.
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Think about the Fundraiser Buffet
This Saturday, Oklahoma Republicans will be hosting a super-spreader event to raise money for Republicans in Georgia. If you can hold out for a few days, your empty belly and fat wallet can spend $5000 and feast upon dry, room temperature sliced brisket from Swadley’s that is served out of an aluminum catering tray.
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Don’t Binge-Watch TV
I don’t know what fasting entails, but spending six hours crushing through HBO dramas sounds like something Jesus and COVID would not like. Take some time off and read the bible by candlelight. Flip through the pages, pray a little prayer, fall asleep, and the next day you can begin The Baby Yoda Show again.
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Hydrate
If we’re all gonna fast to kill this virus in one single day, it is essential that we power up the day before. Drink up a few gallons of Holy Norman Tap Water that has been consecrated by a priest, and balance it with bonded whiskey if you plan on sleeping through the day. Whatever your fluid of choice is, knock it back the night before.
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No Hospital Food Allowed!
Looking at the numbers, there’s a good chance you or a loved one you might never see again could be at the hospital this week, waiting in line for a respirator. Remind them that they need to take one for the team, turn down the Jello, and join our holy fast to defeat the virus that they’re dying from
In Oklahoma our idea of fasting is leaving the ranch dressing in the fridge while we eat.
I’m not gonna fast. That’s how I’ll make it through. I don’t plan to change my usual prayer routine either.
Our governor is an idiot, and thinks we are too. This is his way of acting like he’s doing something about the pandemic without actually doing anything about the pandemic.
Since I can’t have lunch with HOHO any more my balogna just doesn’t taste the same.
Urging food-insecure Oklahomans to fast is an insult. One in ten adults and one in four children in our state don’t know from where their next meal is coming. Rename him Marie Antoinistitt
I’m assuming the Governor is proposing a food fast as some sort of self sacrifice. Because I don’t over indulge in food I’m attempting a pot fast. I’m not quite clear on the net gain as I will be forced to deal with both stitt and trump, in a condition I’m not used to, for an entire day. That’s self sacrifice.
I finally gave in and started wearing a mask when I go shopping. Now they’re saying I have to wear pants and a shirt too!
Not at the WalMart I used to go to! Mask yes-Pants/Shirt/Shoes optional!
LOL!!!
I’ve never fasted a day in my life. I say this as a professed non-denominational Christian. I never understood the point of fasting. Food and water are essential to the function of human life. Growing up poor, there were plenty of days where we did without. I will never understand the desire to volunteer to do without things that you need.
Guess when you have Derplahoman leadership, these types of things happen.
I read in a long-forgotten book that people were encouraged to fast and donate the money they WOULD have spent on food that day to the church so they could add to their already overflowing coffers. People were also encouraged to pay the church extra money so they church would put in a good word with the big fella upstairs. This was during he cathedral-building frenzy in Europe and the power grab of he Catholic Church; and the ever-so-lovely Inquisition.
I’ve never had a lot of faith in humans acting as an agent between me and my Creator. I always felt it was a more personal thing for me. I screw up just fine on my own and will account for it on my own without any help from others.
You can’t fix stupid.
I had 7-11 donuts for breakfast and Hideaway fried mushrooms for lunch. Dinner will be take out from my favorite Mom & Pop (Madre y Padre, I should say) Mexican restaurant. Am I doing this right?
Moderation is the key. I had 1-2 donuts for breakfast.