TLO 2020 Year In Review: March

Hey do you remember The Before Times? They happened right before March. It was right when the ‘rona kicked in and nobody wanted to do anything about it (and guess what? They still don’t). I had a work meeting in the middle of the month and we decided to close down for good reasons, and I haven’t worked there since. Very cool!

It was a moment where time started twisting and becoming the surreal reality we are currently existing in. And here’s what happened in the TLO world then:

OKC-based company wants to keep employees’ $1,200 stimulus payments….

Update: ImageNet Abandons Plan To Pocket Employee Stimulus Payments

Date: March 29, 2020

What We Said: “For example, we have learned via the Ogle Mole Network that ImageNet Consulting – an Oklahoma City-based “Information Technology Solutions” firm that sells high-dollar copiers, scanners, and IT services to companies all across the country – wanted their remaining employees to forfeit a portion of their April paycheck that is equal to the amount they will receive from their government-issued Coronavirus stimulus payment.”

What We Learned: It’s more important for working class people’s money to trickle up, like with the $600 check we’re getting that will end up being used to pay landlords and grocery store chains.

Fun Fact: This story went viral on the interwebs and is the second most-viewed story in our site’s history.

The Netflix “Tiger King” Drinking Game
Date: March 27, 2020

What We Said: “Everyone Take One Drink When You See:

Joe Exotic Shooting A Gun | A Human Missing Either Limbs Or Premolars | A Person Or Place You Actually Know | Chimpanzees | Stonewashed Denim | Bullet-hole Tattoos | Jeff Lowe Lie | Condoms (New or Used) | A Young Tiger Jump On Someone’s Lap”

What We Learned: The phenomenon that took over the country at the start of pandemic, Tiger King, can also cause blackout bouts of drunkness if you were irresponsible enough to play this game.

Internal memos detail Hobby Lobby’s lackadaisical Coronavirus response…

Date: March 23, 2020

What We Said: “Seriously, what a tool. We’re facing a generational public health crisis and complete meltdown of the global economy, and this billionaires response is “Chill out. Tighten your belt. My ‘Prayer Warrior’ wife reached out to the deity who created the Coronavirus.” I wonder how that would even work?”

What We Learned: Prayer has been incredibly effective in a generational pandemic that is rising by the day, even better than locking down and masking up. Pray the ‘rona away!

Remembering the good old days at Crossroads Mall

Date: March 24, 2020

What We Said: “There was one apex cool spot at Crossroads Mall, and no, it wasn’t Hot Topic, Gadzooks, or even the pet store. It was Eastern Treasures. This place had it all, from ninja throwing stars to dragon swords. They even had those light-up framed animated pictures things of stuff like waterfalls or Jesus crying. There was even a while when I remember seeing t-shirts about cockfighting displayed proudly in the window display.”

What We Learned: Malls used to be cool as fuck when you were a teenager, and Crossroads was the one to be at, especially if you were a dirtbag mallrat looking for trouble.

Kevin Stitt Puts Ignorance On Display For Entire World To See…

Date: March 16, 2020

What We Said: “During this time when public health experts are begging and imploring everyone to keep safe distances, Kevin Stitt – a guy who probably thinks prayer and essential oils can stem any pandemic – stopped by a local Italian restaurant to get all huggy with the staff. Even Mary Fallin has to chuckle about that.”

What We Learned: As you’ll see throughout more of these Year In Review posts, Gov Stitt clearly is unconcerned with the pandemic and public health. He just went to a superspreader megachurch event last weekend. But do whatcha wanna do, bud.

Bonus Podcast: The Night The Coronavirs landed in OKC w/ Royce Young

A few days after the NBA season came to halt in OKC, we spoke with TLO alumnist Royce Young about watching the scene unfold in the arena, what it was like to be the man on the scene for ESPN’s coverage, and took our best guesses as to where we’d all go from there.

Stay tuned this week for more TLO memory-holes!