We can all remember April as a cool time when people decided to defer to meal kits because the sinking realization hit that we were all gonna be home for maybe the rest of our lives. One of these days, TLO will get some sponsor like ‘Only Meals’ and we’ll clean up. Still waiting on that.
Date: April 23, 2020
What We Said: “Listen doctors, I’m sure you mean well and everything, but you’re just being cautious and overprotective like you always do. Just like with diet, exercise and quitting smoking, sometimes it’s okay not to follow your orders. Not only is the virus being overblown by the liberal mainstream media, but Oklahoma’s wind will keep us safe. Well, at least it will according to Oklahoma’s favorite right-wing, racist socialite.”
What We Learned: Covid isn’t a big deal and hasn’t spread like a wildfire in a dry forest since April. Nothing to see here folks, show’s over, go home.
10 Best Places to Catch Coronavirus at Penn Square Mall
Date: April 30, 2020
What We Said: “If you’re going to catch or pass a virus that’s still infecting, hospitalizing and killing Oklahomans, I can’t think of a better place than Penn Square Mall. Hell, maybe while you’re there you’ll also get shot in the food court, or robbed in the parking garage.”
What We Learned: Mall shopping is still cool as fuck, and if you wanna buy new sneakers you don’t actually need, just head to Penn Square. They’ll let you in and give you love.
25 best Joe Exotic Tiger King memes
Date: April 1, 2020
What We Said: “Probably the biggest takeaway for me personally was that Joe wasn’t even the weirdest character in the series, but America is now entranced with him, and I’m convinced if he wasn’t a felon, he’d have that shot at the presidency this year that he always dreamed of.”
What We Learned: All it takes to put Oklahoma on the international scale is unbridled insanity by people like Joe. We’re a state full of weirdos, and the Tiger King was the president of America in 2020.
Date: April 16, 2020
What We Said: “Yesterday, a bunch of weirdos held a rally where they vroom-vroom’d around in their cars to try and convince local government to “open up” the state amidst a (hopefully) once in a lifetime global pandemic.”
What We Learned: Some people want to make sure as many people as possible die during the Pandemic.
Date: April 28, 2020
What We Said: “The first time I went to KT’s, it was a rite of passage, in many ways; my good friend B.H. and I loaded into his sweet green Trans Am and pushed the pedal to the metal through the Arbuckles and on past the Oklahoma border. Eighteen-years-old and in need of the purest filth, as I walked in through the glass door, the first thing that shocked me was the sticker price: most of these VHS videos were upwards of forty bucks!”
What We Learned: There was a day when porno wasn’t a quick Google search, and was instead a mission. Texas was the place for the real smut you couldn’t get in Oklahoma, and KT’s was a landmark.
Stay tuned this week for more TLO memory-holes!