The rip in time happened, who knows how long ago? August, I think that was seven years ago. This was a time when the president was trying to banish the popular app TikTok. Nobody really knows why other than that it’s related to China and K-Pop teens use it to make fun of him. There’s been a lot more on our plate since then, but that’s 2020.
Here’s what happened in August:
Moore rapper Barbie Doll reveals pregnancy in new music video
Date: August 31, 2020
What We Said: “The song was dope, too. My favorite line was: “I’m back, drippin’ like some water out of faucet.” I don’t really know what that means other than Barbie has experienced some plumbing problems in life, but I’m going to use it when I talk trash this upcoming Fantasy Football season.”
What We Learned: Patrick doesn’t know that ‘drip’ is slang for having fresh fashion. I can’t judge though, I have to look up on Urban Dictionary for songs that came out 10 years ago.
Date: August 25, 2020
What We Said: “Either way, I can’t believe Lacey has been on the KFOR morning show for seven years. It seems like it was just yesterday that I would run into Lacey at the old Spy studios on Council and Britton and wait around for her to finish editing the Oklahoma Rock Show so I could record The Lost Years with The Lost Ogle. We’d chat in the lobby about new local bands, how to get Brent Skarky to stop eating paste, and exchange theories as to why Ferris O’Brien always cuts the sleeves off his t-shirts.”
What We Learned: It’s always a shame when a beloved local morning news host leaves for safer pastures. I think? I haven’t seen a morning news show in like 20 years, but geriatrics were probably upset.
Date: August 5, 2020
What We Said: “Man, times sure are changing. When I was a teen, my friends and I did whatever was possible to avoid angry old conservative men. There’s nothing they hate more than teenagers and rap music! But nowadays, teens are seeking out the old geezers and even taunting them! Who said today’s kids don’t know how to have fun?”
What We Learned: I don’t know what is going on with the Boomers, but as The Who said, the kids are alright.
Date: August 19, 2020
What We Said: “We’ve had a lot of fun at our roads and bridges expense and expenses over the years. Remember the old Crosstown of Terror the cut to the south of OKC? That thing was scary as hell. Then again, they replaced that dangerous bridge with an equally, if not more dangerous, Boulevard of Fear. Maybe that explains why Oklahoma shot up on the bridge safety rankings, but not roads? Either way, I’ll miss making fun of our shitty bridges on this site. Thank God for teen pregnancy.”
What We Learned: If Kevin Stitt was truly concerned with touting Oklahoma as a ‘Top 10 State’ (whatever that means), he should really be doing big press events for our COVID numbers.
Date: August 31, 2020
What We Said: “As for the poverty rate and number of hours worked, we have to remember that our state sets us up for failure. Sitting pretty at $7.25 per hour, the rate is a third less than what it takes for a single person with no children to afford to make ends meet with a 40-hour workweek.”
What We Learned: Okay, Mr. Stitt, ya won me over. This is a Top 10 we can all hang our hat on. Thanks for the ride.
Stay tuned this week for more TLO memory-holes!