November was the worst time in the worst year of my life. The week of the election, which had been a chaotic shitshow from the get-go, a massive ice storm sheeted the state. If you were lucky, you only lost power for about a week. Not to mention that the COVID cases (which are still rising) had hit an all-time peak.
Also, this is the final installment of our 2020 year series. You can read and view other months by clicking here.
Kevin Stitt Intensifies Efforts To Pray Away Pandemic…
Date: November 24, 2020
What We Said: “You also have to love that Stitt’s calling for a day of prayer and fasting on December 3rd. I appreciate his high hopes and ambitions for the Oklahoma people, but expecting us to go a day without food for a day is pushing it too far. The last thing Stitt would want is for us to lose is our Top 10 ranking in obesity!”
What We Learned: The closest thing that state republicans can offer to running a safe society is, ‘I dunno, maybe just say a prayer?’
Date: November 18, 2020
What We Said: “Why and how did it take so long to restore power? I went 9 days without it and felt like one of the lucky ones! Double also, why did the company suck so bad at communicating when power would be restored to customers? Just like Kevin Stitt having to deal with the pandemic, OG&E came off as totally unprepared and caught off guard! For a big billion-dollar corporation, that’s unacceptable.”
What We Learned: OG&E’s a monopoly, and as such has no reason to listen to their customers, update how their grid operates, or hire a CEO that doesn’t look like a lizard.
6 months into Stitt’s “Open Up and Recover Safely” plan… and less safe than ever.
Date: November 9, 2020
What We Said: “The OURS Plan stated that before moving to a new phase or to keep from rolling back, hospitalizations will be at a manageable level. At this point, the OURS Plan seems to keep hospitalizations manageable by allowing Oklahomans to die.”
What We Learned: Kevin Stitt is a Trump acolyte more concerned with building a PR façade that says ‘EVERYTHING’S ALRIGHT, NOTHING TO SEE HERE, WE’RE DOING FINE’ than actually doing anything to prevent death and suffering.
Date: November 24, 2020
What We Said: “Why’s OSU sending a kid into hostile, drunken enemy territory to track down footballs? OSU scored 13 points. That’s like three footballs! It’s not a big deal. Just consider the lost balls the cost of doing business and move on. Then again, Gundy did punt while down 21 in the 4th on the OU side of the field, so maybe balls are in short supply in Stillwater.”
What We Learned: Drunk sports fans are some of the worst people in the world. Just check Twitter when OU is down by a touchdown and you’ll know.
Date: November 17, 2020
What We Said: “I know it has a sad and morbid historical value and everything, but $42K seems like a hefty price for an old beat-up motor home that could be haunted by one of the actresses from Night Trap. Hell, I bet you could get the tan 2005 Bonneville that Macaulay Culkin was driving during his 2004 OKC drug arrest for only a couple of grand, and you don’t have to worry about finding a place around the Governor’s Mansion to park it.”
What We Learned: The final resting place of an actress nobody under 40 knows carries a large price, but there’s gotta be a Different Strokes superfan who is currently driving this thing through Baja and listening to Supertramp with Dana Plato’s ghost.
Well, that’s a wrap for our 2020 recaps! Have a safe New Year, and we’ll see you in 2021.