Markwayne Mullin moonlights as commando in thwarted Afghanistan rescue mission attempt…

As a professional satirist, even I can't make some of this shit up.


Late last night, The Washington Post reported that our favorite cage-fighting dur-hickey of a congressman – Markwayne Mullin – threatened the American ambassador to Tajikistan after they denied his emphatic request to give him cash and a helicopter so he could heroically waltz into Afghanistan and rescue some stranded Americans.


When the story first broke, the Washington Post reported that Markwayne – or should we now call him Johnmarkwayne – was AWOL and, much like his common sense, "whereabouts unknown."


This led to wild speculation about his status, and whether or not he was stranded in the Afghan mountains, holding a large bag of money, cowering in fear like he was the day of the January 6 insurrection attempt. We, naturally, had some fun with it on Twitter...


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