Located just outside of Tulsa, Claremore is the setting of the musical Oklahoma, home to Dale Robertson's alma mater Rogers State University, and the final resting place of Will Rogers. All things considered, it sounded like a pretty nice place to visit -- until last week, when an alligator measuring 9'6" was discovered in Claremore Lake by the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife. Unfortunately, I must now insist that we burn the whole town down. You can't be too careful in cases such as this.
Although the gruesome details were omitted, KOCO reported that authorities euthanized the alligator "because of its size and public safety concerns," which sounds like about half of the people who attend the State Fair. It's always unfortunate when an animal has to be put down for simply doing what animals do. While we all agree you can't let armor-plated carnivores freely roam the streets, here are six alternate endings I would have rather seen...
