There’s been a major shake-up in the local severe weather force!
Fulfilling the prophecy foretold in the ancient severe weather scrolls, KFOR Severe Weather Princess Emily Sutton announced during her long-term weather forecast yesterday that – after drinking a sacred, lightning-forged fertility concoction made of melted hailstones and mercury – she’s having a baby in November.
Here are the details via KFOR:
On Wednesday, KFOR’s Emily Sutton announced that she is expecting a little bundle of joy.
After a four year battle of infertility, Emily and her husband, Michael, are expecting a baby around Thanksgiving.
She is currently 15 weeks pregnant.
I’d like to congratulate Emily and her hunky fireman husband Michael on this exciting news. As I’ve learned over the past four years, parenthood is an incredible thing, and something you can’t really comprehend or fully understand until you experience it. We wish them and their little macroburst all the best in the years to come, which I’m sure will be documented frequently on Channel 4.
With that being said…
EMILY SUTTON IS PREGNANT???
How is that even possible??? Well, I guess we know how it’s possible, but you get what I’m saying. It seems like it was just yesterday when Emily was a plunky, wide-eyed raindrop on the scene who couldn’t even operate a Gentner. Now fast forward a dozen years, and – partially due to our fair, extensive, and not-creepy-at-all coverage of her life – she’s now a Severe Weather Princess and Oktoberfest costume contest emcee who shall give birth to severe weather royalty! It’s crazy how things work!
Here are a few other notes about this exciting news…
• The Swope / Sutton rivalry will now extend to multiple generations! Seriously, if you think it’s fun to watch Lacey – she’s expecting another one any day now – and Emily duke it out with viewer fishing photo contests and Ogle Madness matches, just wait until their kids start competing in storm chasing tournaments at the local YMCA!
What will they name the child? I guess they still don’t know the birth gender, but my favorites are Mist, Rain, Windy, and Baroclinicity (Baro for short).
• San Marcos better start up the tortilla maker! Back when they promised Emily FREE Mexican food for life for standing up to a right-wing racist on Facebook, they probably didn’t anticipate having to feed an entire clan of Suttons.
Once again, we’d like to congratulate Emily and Michael! If you want to watch her get emotional making the announcement, you can do so here.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.