There’s a new way to die in the Oklahoma County Jail!
Last week, the people who run the infamous detention center that, I believe, was recently named by Prison Leisure magazine as one of 10 Worst Jails in America, announced they’re going to use a new and improved way to mistreat, torture, and abuse inmates...
Electro-Shock Gloves.
Here’s a demonstration of the new gulag-inspired technology that will, I assume, lead to several inmates earning six to seven-figure settlements on behalf of the Oklahoma County taxpayers.
Yep, keep those hands off the tables, inmates, or you’re going to be shocked by the consequences.
In other news, is this real life?
Like, I know this is probably more humane than handcuffing inmates to a bar and forcing them to listen to Baby Shark on repeat like they’re the parent of a 3-year-old, but if you’re going to go the electro-shock route, stop being cute and just give jailors those cool electro shock wands that Joe Exotic would use to control his tigers and boyfriends.
Seriously, just look at that thing!
I’m not an expert on criminal justice submission techniques, but I’m going to pick a hardened inmate high on PCP and armed with a pencil to win a showdown against a stumbly jailor wearing a 1980s Nintendo Power Glove.
In other news, don’t Oklahoma County Jail officials have more important things to worry about than unveiling new technologies that will be used by inmates in the next jail hostage situation?
The poor souls locked up in the facility are already more likely to die in the jail – or escape from it – than to make bail, so maybe we should be looking at fixing those problems before unveiling the latest prison torture device?
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
